Winning From the Driver’s Seat: Custody Strategy
Strategically Holding Everything Together and Winning For Your Children
Did you ever notice that over time, we’ve all grown up a little? Did you notice people standing up for themselves and saying no? Have you ever wanted to say so many things but kept a stiff upper lip to remain in the position of power?
Strong parents are actively empowering others to stop being victims and start being winners as they do what they need to take control of their lives and family situations. Sometimes that means exercising extreme caution and patience, and other times it means time for immediate and decisive action.
Are some people criticized for not sticking to their plans and commitments, and are they perceived as throwing in the towel too quickly? Certainly, that happens. While yes, it is important to try couples counseling and therapy to fix problems and do what it takes to preserve the family, we can also admit when things are irretrievably broken, it’s time for action. People in past decades might have spun around not knowing which end was up, but in 2025, we know how to take the wheel and get us where we need to go.
Get to Know Attorney Leslie Barrows on the Barrows Firm Law Review Podcast
Filing the Petition for Divorce and Child Custody
The first party in the divorce to file is the Petitioner and the other party will be the Respondent. The petitioner sets out their allegations and requests for divorce, custody, and whatever monetary relief is being sought for support. Property is also addressed and the petitioner may make claims to certain property as being separate property not subject to equitable distribution.
What is alleged in the petition may lead the respondent to file a counter-petition with their claims for relief and the court process allows all to be addressed with proper procedure.
There are certain strategic reasons for being the first to file, and Attorney Leslie Barrows is happy to discuss those as they may apply to every individual situation. One example may be a family violence situation where an Emergency Order of Protection is sought and the petitioner filing for divorce seeks exclusive possession of the marital residence, and they often get it.
Seeking Joint or Sole Managing Conservatorship
There is a presumption in Texas and most states that joint custody / joint managing conservatorship is in the best interest of children who are benefited by strong relationships with both parents. To get sole managing conservatorship where the other parent has no parenting decision-making rights, that other parent must be awful to the point the kids can’t be around them in many cases and any visitation is supervised. Family violence and abandonment cases are sad and often involve these scenarios.
Psychology Today:
- 8 Tips to Help Co-Parents with Drop-Offs and Pick-Ups
- Shared Physical Custody - What Children Discover and Suffer
What is more often litigated is which parent, assuming joint managing conservatorship, is the parent who gets to determine the residence of the child. This parent in the driver’s seat on the residence is often referred to as the primary parent, the one with whom the child primarily resides and the other parent will have visitation on a reasonable parenting plan and schedule.
It may sound like the petitioner, the first to file, is often the one who gets primary custody, and that may be but it all depends on the situation. Sometimes the first to file is the one who is the cause of many of the problems. Every family is unique and that’s why it is so important to get experienced legal advice based on the facts and circumstances, so understand the truth comes out when we keep our cool and let the process work.
Never Allowing Domestic or Family Violence
You think you know someone until you have no idea of what they are capable. The ability of people to hold onto resentment for years is surprising sometimes. The threats and penalties some people hold over others are also shocking.
How could anyone stay with someone who did something like that? Folks, it is never easy to understand what another person experiences, but hopefully, we can all agree that violence is never okay. Physical harm is never okay. Mental and emotional torture and passive-aggressive behavior, those things are not okay either.
Isolated negative events historically escalate. There may be a period of forgiveness and working on positive steps until one thing triggers rage. While we would like to think a person who hit someone once won’t ever do it again, we’ve also seen significant evidence to the contrary. To get out of a harmful situation, we can help people make a plan well ahead of filing anything so they don’t tip their hand. Your safety and that of your children is paramount.
Tips for Holding it Together and Staying in the Driver’s Seat of Your Emotions and Behavior
The other parent knows how to push your buttons. They know your weakest and most vulnerable pressure points. They could do things in a way that makes you have surprisingly aggressive thoughts. Know when they are trying to upset you and throw you off your game.
As we talked about in our recent podcast, What Kids Learn from Divorce, about keeping it together mentally and showing kids how to be leaders by setting a good example, a parent going through a divorce has to brace for all kinds of expected and unexpected attention, both positive and negative.
Mentally preparing for custody challenges, the parent prepares for how they think the other one is going to react and respond. They’re so focused on that other parent, that they fail to prepare for all the other people in life’s comment section, who have all the opinions to share.
How strong does someone need to be? The good news is these matters don’t last forever, and with a good outlook on life, knowing sometimes it is bad before it’s better, there are happy days ahead, for those who stay strong and keep their hands at 10 and 2 and maintain their lane.
