How to Tell Your Children About Divorce

Divorce is a challenging time for any family, but it can be especially tough on children. As July is National Child-Centered Divorce Month, it’s an opportune moment to focus on communicating this significant change to your children in the most supportive and constructive way possible. Leslie Barrows of The Barrows Firm in Southlake, Texas, is a renowned Texas family law attorney with valuable insights on this delicate topic. 

Understanding the Emotional Landscape

Preparing Yourself Emotionally

Before you can effectively communicate with your children about divorce, it's crucial to prepare yourself emotionally. Divorce lawyers like Leslie Barrows emphasize the importance of understanding your own feelings and being ready to manage your emotions. A calm and composed demeanor can help set a stable tone for the conversation. Remember, it's okay to show your emotions, but it's important to model healthy emotional regulation for your children.

Importance of a United Front

It's also essential to present a united front with your spouse when discussing the divorce with your children. This means agreeing on the key points of the conversation and showing a united front in your body language and tone. This helps in delivering a consistent message and showing that both parents are committed to supporting their children through this transition.

Age-Appropriate Communication

Talking to Young Children

When talking to young children, keep the language simple. Explain that mommy and daddy will live in different houses, but both love them very much. Reassure them that it's not their fault and that they will still see both parents regularly.

Communicating with Preteens

You can provide more details for preteens, but keep it simple. Emphasize that both parents will continue to be there for them. It is important to address any immediate concerns about how their daily lives will change.

Discussing Divorce with Teenagers

Teenagers can handle more complex explanations. They might have more pointed questions about why the divorce is happening. Be honest, but avoid blaming the other parent. Encourage them to share their feelings and validate their emotions.

Tips for a Healthy Conversation

Choosing the Right Time and Place

Choose a calm, private setting where you won't be interrupted. Make sure you have enough time to talk without feeling rushed. 

Being Honest but Considerate

Honesty is crucial, but it's important to consider your children's feelings. Avoid unnecessary details that could create additional stress or confusion.

Allowing Children to Express Their Feelings

Let your children know that feeling sad, angry, or confused is okay. Encourage them to express their feelings and be prepared to listen without judgment.

Practical Preparations

Planning the Conversation

Plan what you will say in advance. Discuss the key points with your spouse to ensure you are both on the same page. 

Rehearsing What to Say

Rehearsing the conversation can help you feel more confident and prepared. Practice with a friend or family member if it helps.

Highlighting Resources for Support

Books on Divorce for Children

Many books are available that can help children understand and cope with divorce. Look for age-appropriate titles that address their specific concerns.

One Princess, Two Castles, by Certified Divorce Coach Amy Tyson, is a popular book that families love.

Websites and Online Support Groups

Websites like KidsHealth and DivorceCare for Kids offer valuable information and support for children going through a divorce. Online support groups can also provide a sense of community and understanding.

Family Therapists and Counseling

Professional support can make a significant difference. Family therapists can provide a safe space for children to express their feelings and learn coping strategies.

Exploring Less Emotionally Damaging Avenues

Mediation

Mediation is a collaborative process where a neutral third party helps both parents reach an agreement. This approach can reduce conflict and create a more amicable environment for the children.

Collaborative Divorce

In a collaborative divorce, both parties work with their lawyers to resolve issues without going to court. This method can minimize emotional stress and foster a cooperative spirit.

Establishing a Co-Parenting Plan

Importance of Early Planning

Creating a co-parenting plan early on can provide stability and predictability for your children. It outlines how both parents will share responsibilities and make decisions regarding the children.

Elements of a Successful Co-Parenting Plan

A successful co-parenting plan should include a detailed schedule, communication guidelines, and dispute resolution methods. It should also address important aspects like education, healthcare, and extracurricular activities.

Utilizing Digital Tools for Co-Parenting

Shared Calendars

Shared calendars can help parents coordinate schedules and keep track of important events. Tools like Google Calendar or Cozi are user-friendly options.

Co-Parenting Apps

Apps like OurFamilyWizard and TalkingParents are explicitly designed for co-parenting. They offer features like messaging, expense tracking, and document storage, which can facilitate smoother communication and organization.

Read Our Article: Custody Logs and Our Family Wizard in Divorce and Child Custody Cases

Contact The Barrows Firm for More Information or a Consultation

Telling your children about divorce is never easy, but with careful planning and a compassionate approach, you can help them navigate this challenging time. Utilize resources, maintain open communication, and prioritize your children's emotional well-being. Remember, how you handle this conversation can set the tone for how your family moves forward. 

FAQs

What if my child reacts negatively to the news?

It's normal for children to react with strong emotions. As a parent, it's important to reassure them, listen to their concerns, and consider seeking professional support if needed. Understanding that these reactions are a part of the process can help you remain calm and supportive during this challenging time.

How do I maintain stability for my children during the divorce process?

Maintaining stability for your children during the divorce process is crucial. By keeping routines as much as possible, keeping open lines of communication, and ensuring that both parents are involved in their lives, you can help your children feel secure and supported during this transition.

Are there specific books you recommend for children about divorce?

Books like "Dinosaurs Divorce" by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown and "It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear" by Vicki Lansky can be helpful.

What are some signs that my child needs professional help?

Signs may include changes in behavior, withdrawal, academic problems, or prolonged sadness. If you notice these, consider consulting a family therapist.

How can I co-parent effectively with my ex-spouse?

Effective co-parenting involves clear communication, mutual respect, and focusing on your children's best interests. Use tools and resources to facilitate cooperation and organization.