All I Want for Christmas: A Peaceful Collaborative Divorce
What is Collaborative Divorce and How Can It Provide Peace this Christmas?
Collaborative divorce has been around for a couple decades now and has picked up some fans and some haters along the way. There are advantages and disadvantages of collaborative divorce and it all comes down to whether the people involved can come to an agreement and keep their divorce action out of court, which is designed to preserve peace in the family and reduce fighting.
What is different about collaborative divorce is the agreement not to go to court. The parties to be divorced are both represented by their own family lawyers and the additionally required neutral mental health and financial professionals. The collaborative agreement sets forth the structure of the divorce and identifies the roles of the professionals involved. The agreement is to get all the issues of custody, finances, and property resolved out of court, all the way through a final divorce decree, and there are no court appearances, hearings, or trials other than the filing of the divorce petition and settlement agreements.
The fit has to be right and the people need to want a collaborative divorce for it to work. There are horror stories of spending all the time and money just for one of the parties to pull the plug at the end, causing everyone to have to start over from scratch in traditional divorce litigation.
Attorney Leslie Barrows and her team at the Barrows Firm in Southlake are valuable in helping families facing divorce in determining whether a collaborative divorce makes sense for their family or whether it’s a non-starter.
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Preserving the Peace, Keeping the Family Out of Court and Online Court Records
Christmas should be a time for peace and relaxation with family, and collaborative divorce can help preserve the status quo with the holidays on approach. There is something about the official filing of court documents in a family matter that makes divorce feel more dramatic than it needs to be. Couple that with people knowing there’s a divorce action that the neighbors can see online if they are snooping around the county websites with all the court records. Anyone can go to the office of the District Court Clerk and look up a divorce case and actually read the pleadings and all the allegations made between the parties.
Staying out of court may be helpful to keep nosy neighbors out of your business, but moreover, forward thinking people should be aware that their future life partners, spouses, business partners, they can all pull up court records at a later date. Especially in high net worth divorce, the disclosure of assets and liabilities is not ideal when it comes to public records.
Recent and Related Barrows Firm Blog Articles:
- The Gift of a Fresh Start: Preparing for a Post-Holiday Split
- Custody Nightmare Before Christmas: What Pre-Divorce Parents Should Know When One Parent Spends More Time with the Kids
Settling Contested Issues Among Parties and Professionals, No Judges Invited
Judges don’t want to make rulings in divorce cases, unless they have to, because it is better for the parties to resolve their issues and reach a meeting of the minds in settlement. In traditional litigation judges often tell the parties to go work on reaching a settlement or they might not like the Judge’s ruling. But in collaborative divorce there is no judge and no alternative for the parties other than reaching an agreement or starting all over.
Collaborative divorce is a process and the process is designed to help the parties find peace, find resolution, and find a new way forward in life outside of that marriage relationship. It otherwise does not guarantee that everyone is going to like everything that happens. Someone may still feel like they won some, and lost some, and that is what compromise is. But with collaborative divorce, they can walk away knowing they own their decisions.
What do critics on Reddit say?
Collaborative divorce - a cautionary tale
Showing Children How Mature Adults Address Conflict Resolution
Never has a child seen their parents at the edge of their rope as one who has endured a protracted highly contested litigious divorce. We see it in television and movies when the drama is glorified and the good person wins and the bad person loses. But in real life, both parents are supposed to be good, at lease when it comes to the children. The children in divorce learn more than we expect when going through the breakup of a family unit.
How parents handle divorce shows children that they are either trusting people or think everyone is out to get them. It shows children that even good people can lie, cheat, and game the system to get advantage. Divorce can also show children how adults can responsibly approach conflict resolution and work together to make everyone’s lives as good as they can be moving into a new normal in their family. You do a good job for your children when you show them that relationships can change and don’t have to define others in the family. Show your child that everyone is an individual with their own needs as well as being part of a family and those roles can change over time. What’s important is everyone is safe and loved.
Psychology Today:
Why Consider a Collaborative Divorce?
The Binding Contract and Limitations of Collaborative Divorce, If It Doesn’t Work
When a family decides they want to use the collaborative model for divorce they enter into a collaborative agreement signed by all the parties with the advice of their attorneys and being made fully aware of the elements of the collaborative process, who will be involved, what it should cost, and what to expect. This is an all or nothing deal. There is no half collaborative half litigation divorce. If one of the parties wants to be a real problem, they could throw a wrench in the process and terminate the collaborative agreement so everyone has to start over in traditional litigation and go to court.
Because you are not in a court of law, the traditional rules of evidence are not applicable in alternative dispute resolution like collaborative divorce, so it can be easier to get all the chips on the table to review and divide, but only to the extent everyone is honest and forthcoming. If someone is not functioning properly, you can’t run to the judge to get an order compelling anything and that can frustrate the process.
Again, some divorce lawyers are not the best suited for collaborative divorce and should stay in litigation, and when we know all the wildcard variables we can better determine if collaborative divorce has value and makes sense for your family.
Common Criticisms of Collaborative Divorce, Some Divorce Lawyers Don’t Do It
Some divorce lawyers love to suit up for battle and win, and that’s great in litigation, but not in collaborative divorce. It can be interesting when the filing spouse has a consultation with a lawyer prepared for collaborative divorce but the other spouse either doesn’t want it or can’t find a lawyer they like to represent them in collaborative divorce, because they lawyer they like is a strong advocate for traditional litigation.
The economics of divorce are real and should be recognized. Some divorces take longer and the fees can accumulate. Some divorce lawyers don’t do collaborative divorce because they don’t think there’s enough money in it compared to traditional litigation. They aren’t likely to come out and say that, rather they argue against being tied to a collaborative agreement that gets in the way of their duty to zealously represent their client.
Reviewing Your Collaborative Divorce Options with Attorney Leslie Barrows at The Barrows Firm
Attorney Leslie Barrows is a skilled litigation attorney who embraces challenge and battle for her clients when it is reasonable and necessary. She also knows how much time and money people can spend spinning their wheels over emotion-fueled battles for the sake of vengeance. She is your strongest advocate who tells you what you might not want to hear but what the reality is that you may face.
Contact Leslie Barrows at the Barrows Firm in Southlake for more information and family law consultation, in collaborative divorce or traditional litigation. Call 817-481-1583.
When you need a divorce consultation and are considering collaborative divorce, do seek the advice and counsel of the best and most experienced family lawyer you can find and get all the facts before you decide what’s best for you and your family. If you are going into divorce and know you are preparing for collaborative divorce, you might be better able to relax this Christmas and enjoy the holiday season knowing your personal business can stay behind the scenes and that can help everyone feel more peaceful.
