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How to tell your spouse you want a divorce

Telling your spouse that you want a divorce might be the most difficult thing you will tell someone. Whether you believe your marriage was one that worked well or was a challenge can be irrelevant when people decide that life is short, and they want to move forward on their own. For other married couples a divorce may be the result of abuse, cheating, financial problems and destructive behaviors such as alcohol and drug abuse.

When a spouse wants out of a marriage due to the bad acts of the other, there is often a confrontation and anger is the fuel for divorce. The more difficult situation occurs when one spouse is unhappy and the other is fine and has no idea that a divorce may be on the horizon. How do you tell someone who has done nothing wrong that you want to leave?

Sometimes people just grow apart from one another

When you are young and getting married all that matters is having kids and raising a family. As you and your family grow older there are may also be aging relatives who need care. The amount of effort and self-sacrifice required of many married couples can take its toll. In some marriages, real and deep communication has been non-existent for years and the couple and family seem to operate in their roles on auto-pilot.

The empty nest situation and the loss of an elder can be triggers to people that life is short, and people may want a divorce. The desire to call it quits often results from people simply growing apart. Men and women who get divorced after their kids have grown up and moved on will often tell you that they had a sense for years that one day they would tell the other that they are ready to end the marriage.

Tips on breaking the news that you want to divorce

• The first discussion is likely going to surprise your spouse. There is never a perfect time or place to break the news that you want a divorce. However, there are better situations than others. Communicating in person allows people their range of emotions, which might be best.
• Focus on the idea of remaining friends, just not a married couple. When you do not hate your spouse, and just want to move on from the marriage, let the other know, however cliché, that is you and not them causing the desire to divorce.
• Do not defend or attack; leave the argument points aside. When people hear information, they do not like there is a tendency to argue your points and talk the person out of something. When a spouse is ready to tell the other that they want a divorce, they are probably quite sure of their decision.
• Be honest and clear while remaining firm. It is great to talk about all the good times and proud moments in a marriage and raising a family, but that does not mean people have to stay married. The more open and honest you are about your feelings, the less likely your spouse is going to wonder if there is something else going on.
• Remain open to counseling and saving the marriage. In certain situations, the problems in a marriage can be solved in couples’ counseling. After years people can get in a rut and not see the light between the trees and a good mental health or spiritual counselor can help a couple repair communication breakdowns and repair a neglected relationship.

Will ending the marriage solve perceived problems?

Southlake divorce lawyer and mediator, Leslie Barrows has decades of experience working with clients who want to divorce for a variety of reasons, including simply growing apart from one another. When a marriage has run its course, there is an opportunity to divorce amicably and without causing damage. In other situations where there is a stronger underlying problem, Leslie knows it may be time to suit up for battle and vindication for deeply damaging past wrongs.

If you are considering calling it quits and moving forward in a new direction without your spouse, call The Barrows Firm in Southlake at (817) 481-1583 and Leslie and her staff can help you with all the information and assistance you may need to take next steps.

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April Deadlines for Summer Possession

In Texas, visitation with children is referred to as the time of possession and access with the child. Do you have a court-ordered parenting plan with a set schedule for possession and access of and with the children? Many people use a Standard Possession Schedule Order. A Standard Possession Schedule allows both parents to have possession of the children whenever both co-parents agree.

However, when the parents do not agree on when each will exercise their possession time, and they cannot flexibly agree on schedules, the Standard Possession Schedule Order applies and the parents should follow what is stated in their order. Note that some parents may have a custom possession and access schedule which also allows for one on one discussion and exchange of possession times.

Summer Possession is what we call the extended period of time the non-primary parent has possession with the child during the summer, and the standard order designates July as the time of possession for the non-primary parent. The standard order designates 30 days of extended possession to parents who live within 100 miles of the other parent. Co-parents living more than 100 miles apart use a longer extended time of 42 days, as set forth in the standard order.

Do I have to use all my days in one lump sum? What if I have days left over? For answers to specific questions, call Leslie Barrows at The Barrows Firm in Southlake at (817) 481-1583.

Avoiding Enforcement Actions for Standard Holiday Possession

Whether your divorce is still pending or you are already divorced and co-parenting, Summer Possession plans that fall apart can lead to enforcement actions in court. When making plans for Summer Possession we may be booking camping trips, airline flights, and vacation rentals. When we are locked into a fixed schedule we rely on the other parent to honor their commitments.

Here’s a Great Summer Camp List: Summer Camps in Texas

Sometimes, despite best efforts, and without intention to cause problems, plans can fall apart. Before we run to court, it is best to work together and negotiate a resolution to Summer Possession planning issues. We can help you at the Barrows Firm if you have a trip planned and need to resolve a co-parenting conflict.

Giving Written Notice of Summer Plans

Making plans for the summer can be easy when you keep organized and on top of busy schedules in the family. Challenges in creating schedules that work for everyone involved means spotting conflicts in advance and being flexible to changes in plans. There are plenty of situations in which outside factors influence schedules and plans beyond our control. For example, if the other parent wants to make Summer Possession Plans for July 15 through August 15 and then they notified they have a work responsibility making it impossible to exercise their extended possession as planned.

The problem with making plans is that people rely on those plans, sometimes to their detriment. If the other parent makes plans with you and has to break them, they fall back on the default provision in their possession schedule.

Giving written notice is required for parents who want to exercise Summer Possession outside the dates stated in their order, assuming one exists. If there ends up being a problem with Summer Possession Plans and an enforcement action occurs, the judge will likely ask to see the written notice sent, communicating Summer Possession plans. The notice must be given before the deadlines of April 1st for non-custodial parents and April 15th for custodial parents.

Sometimes as kids get older they don’t want to spend a whole month with the non-custodial parent. Read this Reddit post and comments about co-parenting and Summer Possession as the kids get older: My kids don't want to spend the entire summer with me, my ex insists that I should take them.

April 1st Written Notice Deadline for Non-Custodial Parents

If you are the non-custodial (non-primary) parent and you want to make Summer Possession Plans for your 30 or 42 days you must provide written notice to the custodial (primary) parent by April 1. If your notice is given on time, before the expiration of the deadline, you have the option of splitting up your extended Summer Possession time into two periods of at least seven days each.

When non-custodial parents give Summer Possession notice, they must select times during summer vacation from school. The operable timeframe includes the day after school is dismissed for summer recess and seven days prior to the beginning of the next school year in the fall.

Question: Oh no! I missed the April 1st deadline, what happens?

Answer: You fall back on the Standard Possession Schedule Order and July is your extended month.

April 15th Written Notice Deadline for Custodial Parents

If you are the custodial (primary) parent and you share time of possession with the other parent using a Standard Possession Schedule Order, you may choose a weekend and an extended week of Summer Possession. After the other parent’s deadline to notify you of their Summer Possession plans, you can choose your extra weekend and extended week. Note that the extended week cannot take place during the other parent’s extended possession, which is why these deadlines fall in order, 15 days apart.

What Happens if You Do Not Give Written Notice of Summer Plans

If by chance you fail to give notice to the other parent by the April 1 or 15 deadlines, the Texas Family Code says that whatever is stated in your possession schedule is what controls on summer possession issues. If you have no standard order in place, you have nothing to worry about. However, if the standard order is part of your custody and possession order, July will be your month to have the extra 30 or 42 days with your child. Note, where notice was not given, you cannot split time and your 30 days run consecutively.

Additionally, you are not required to use every single available Summer Possession day, but you should! Parents and children have little time to bond and enjoy adventures and growing up before graduation day comes, and it comes quickly. Also, Summer Possession Plans cannot trump the previously identified dad’s time during Father’s day.

Call the Barrows Firm for Help with Deadlines for Summer Possession (817) 481-1583.

At the Barrows Firm, we understand that despite all the hard work negotiating what seems to be the perfect schedule for possession and access, things can change. When kids grow older and when parents get re-married and introduce new people to the family, conflict can arise quickly.

A custom parenting plan with a possession and access schedule that works for you and your family may handle Summer Possession Plans in a way that works for everyone involved. Call us at the Barrows Firm in Southlake at (817) 481-1583 for help with custody and visitation issues including Summer Possession plans and enforcement or modification actions if you believe that will prevent future problems with scheduling possession and access during summer vacation.

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Court-Ordered Alcohol Testing Includes Soberlink and the EtG Test

Are you concerned about your spouse's alcohol intake while they are with the children? Although everyone works hard at being a good parent, sometimes alcohol gets in the way. Read about Problems & Effects of Alcoholism on Families & Marriages. When a parent struggles with alcohol use which is sometimes abuse, court-ordered alcohol testing is appropriate and in the best interests of the children. Device and chemical technologies make alcohol testing easier, quicker and more reliable. Parents are also more accountable when instantly automated testing devices like Soberlink are ordered by the Court.

The Court can order you to buy and use the Soberlink remote breathalyzer with facial recognition technology and reporting software. The device works using mobile device technologies to tell the user when to test, verifies their identity with facial recognition software and immediately reports the results of their portable breath test. The Soberlink device tests and reports the user’s BAC. Another option that can test for alcohol for a longer period is called EtG testing.

The court can order EtG testing at Forensic DNA. The “80-hour test” as it is called, alcohol testing for EtG can show any amount of consumed ethyl alcohol for 80 hours or up to five days for chronic drinkers. Forensic DNA Drug & Testing Services in Fort Worth is located at 511 East Weatherford Street, a three-minute walk from the Tarrant County Family Law Center. The EtG tests detect recent alcohol usage more accurately and for a longer period than previous testing technology. EtG alcohol urine tests are ideal for zero-tolerance court-ordered alcohol testing.

Attorney Leslie Barrows is a top-rated family law attorney and she will ask the Court to order alcohol testing with Soberlink and EtG as appropriate. Call the Barrows Firm at (817) 481-1583.

Soberlink Remote Breathalyzer: Court-Ordered Alcohol Monitoring Program

Soberlink is cost-effective. When ordered to participate in the Soberlink program for parenting time only, there is a Level 1 plan beginning at $99 per month for the Basic subscription. There are also monthly Plus and Premium subscriptions for $149 and $199 respectively, offering more features. Premium features include text and email results in real time, unlimited reports on all testing activity for date ranges and more. The Bluetooth (iPhone) and cellular Soberlink devices are sold separately from the monthly subscriptions for $299 and $399.

Watch this Video to See How Soberlink Works

EtG Court-Ordered Alcohol Testing at Forensic DNA

New research in alcohol testing paved the way for EtG testing, answering the question of how to capture evidence of alcohol use while alcohol is otherwise rapidly eliminated through the body. Consider the Court ordered the other not to drink any alcohol during periods of possession and access of the children, and you have reason to suspect they were consuming alcohol early during the weekend, against the Court’s order. Unlike earlier alcohol testing methods, EtG can now detect the presence of consumed alcohol for three to five days depending on consumption habits.

EtG, (Ethyl Glucuronide) is a metabolite of alcohol. EtG is detectable in urine and it is unique in that it does not cause false positive test results. EtG alcohol testing can be performed using hair and nails as well, with a detection window of three months for head or body hair and finger or toenails. EtG is frequently used in court-ordered alcohol testing.

Facial Recognition Technology Confirms Soberlink User Identity

Soberlink uses integrated facial recognition software so to authenticate the device user before and while they use the BAC testing device. The software is adaptable to minor changes in the user’s appearance but, the facial points it measures do not change. There are internal tamper sensors and technology that flags the system if detecting a non-human breath.

Soberlink BAC Results Wirelessly Transmit in Real-Time

When a Soberlink user’s phone reminds them to take the test, it is easy and quick to look at the device and go ahead and test, then review. The results are transmitted in real-time to the contacts established in the device. Soberlink’s cloud-based recovery management software automates the alcohol testing process from start to finish and it can be customized to fit a variety of needs.

Questions About Soberlink Remote Breathalyzer or EtG Testing or Court-Ordered Alcohol Testing? Call the Barrows Firm in Southlake, Texas at (817) 481-1583.

The Barrows Firm serves people and families in and around Southlake, Texas and all over Tarrant County and Denton County. Principal and founder, Leslie Barrows, takes responsible parenting seriously, helping parents concerned about the other’s drinking. The Soberlink device and EtG testing make court-ordered alcohol testing efficient and accountable.

Court-ordered alcohol testing can be easy and tailored to fit the needs of every family concerned with the alcohol use and abuse of the spouse or another parent. Alcohol use can easily become abuse, especially when people are going through emotionally challenging times. Court-ordered alcohol testing does not need to be viewed as a punishment or penalty, rather it can be a useful tool in helping keep someone honest when they know they cannot cheat the system.

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What is an Uncontested Divorce in Texas?

Is there really such a thing as an uncontested divorce in Texas? When people see signs on the side of the road advertising low rates for an uncontested divorce, it is easy to get confused. There is a misconception that the word “uncontested” refers to whether the couple mutually agrees to be divorced and dissolve the marriage. This misconception often comes from television and movies where characters are focused on whether one will give the other a divorce. In dramatic scenes, one reluctant party finally gives in and signs off on the divorce. While entertaining, this is not an example of an uncontested divorce.

There are some interesting, funny and compelling movies about divorce. Use this link to review IMDb’s collection, Divorce in Films.

Rather, an uncontested divorce is a divorce where the couple has resolved all major issues including child custody, visitation, parenting time and property division. This means much more than husband and wife agreeing to split everything equally and handle custody and visitation on their own. There are several issues that should be addressed, and the parties should be advised of their legal rights under Texas law and the Family Code before making any agreements.

An Agreeing to Divorce is Not the Same as Uncontested Divorce

Texas, like many states, is a no-fault divorce state, where all a husband or wife needs to allege is insupportability, stated in the Texas Family Code as follows: “On the petition of either party to a marriage, the court may grant a divorce without regard to fault if the marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of the marital relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation or reconciliation.[i]”

If one party alleges the marriage should be dissolved, they allege the grounds for dissolution, such as insupportability, in their petition. If that party wants to be divorced, the court will make a finding that the marriage is dissolved. Whether the other party agrees and wants the divorce is not a question of whether the divorce is an uncontested divorce because uncontested refers to all the legal rights and issues involved in dissolving a marriage where children, income, assets, and property are involved.

What Issues Must Be Resolved to Have an Uncontested Divorce?

Child custody and visitation are significant issues in divorce. What may sound good in theory, is more difficult to implement in real life. For example, some parents want to share equal parenting time with their sons and daughters and suggest they will work together without a fixed schedule. Everything may run smoothly, but anything can change. Having a well thought out parenting plan helps answer all the “what if” questions. Child support, medical expenses, and insurance are issues which must be addressed and resolved before you can proceed with an uncontested divorce.

Financial and property issues in a divorce can be the source of conflict. Couples who approach divorce and agree to split everything down the middle may change their mind. There are so many issues involving money and property that people don’t think about until they drill down into the details. It is important to learn your legal rights and duties regarding money and property. Discovery is the process in a divorce, where the parties exchange documents and information about finances, assets, and liabilities. So even if the parties still agree to split everything 50/50, they should be aware of their legal rights and options before proceeding in an uncontested divorce.

Using Mediation to Resolve Issues for an Uncontested Divorce

A Mediated Settlement Agreement is a document identifying the parties in a divorce and their respective award of the divided marital estate. When the parties agree to mediation, they can use the formal dispute resolution process to identify, resolve and confirm how parenting and property will be addressed in the divorce. The result of the mediation process should be a written Mediated Settlement Agreement. It is important to use an experienced divorce lawyer who knows the requirements necessary so that the Mediated Settlement Agreement is enforceable and the party seeking divorce is entitled to judgment.

A Waiver of Service for an Uncontested Divorce

In a typical divorce, the party filing for divorce has the other party served with divorce petition and the affidavit of service is part of the divorce court record. If both the parties who want an uncontested divorce, they may waive the formal requirement of being served. The process of serving someone with divorce papers is all about the court’s right to establish personal jurisdiction over the party listed as a respondent in the divorce petition. Judges hearing petitions to approve uncontested divorces require a waiver of service be filed with the clerk of court before the uncontested divorce may be approved.

A Signed Final Decree of Divorce for an Uncontested Divorce

A final decree of divorce is a formal document containing a list of recitals that identify the requirements for the process of a divorce have been satisfied. The final decree for an uncontested divorce should properly identify the rights and duties of both parties and what will happen with children and property. The final decree indicates that the court has jurisdiction over the parties and the divorce, and that the waiver of service has been filed.

Using the Barrows Firm for Uncontested Divorces in Texas

Getting an uncontested divorce in Texas is a relatively straightforward process when both parties agree on the division of property and parenting rights and duties. Always hire an experienced divorce attorney to prepare, file and present your divorce to the court. The Barrows Firm in Southlake can help you and your husband or wife with an uncontested divorce. Call our office in Southlake to schedule a consultation with Attorney Leslie Barrows to talk about your divorce options and next steps with an uncontested divorce.

[i] Texas Family Code, Grounds for Divorce.

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Families Should be Using Our Family Wizard Software and Apps

The magic of Our Family Wizard (OFW) is not magic at all, rather it is smart scheduling software designed to facilitate communication between parents with shared custody of their children. The shared calendar helps co-parents with visitation swaps, school schedules, and extracurricular events. Using Our Family Wizard is very affordable and parents who use it save money by not needing to go through their divorce lawyer and their office when they can document everything that happens with co-parenting using Our Family Wizard.

When you and the other parent agree to use OFW or the court makes that order, parents in high conflict divorce and family law cases involving child custody can build a working relationship using OFW tools. In real time, parents can use OFW to communicate with an emphasis on being accountable.

Using Our Family Wizard is great because the judge and the lawyers can also view all the communications, so everyone is held to account for their willingness to communicate responsibly and stay focused on the children and their needs. And if you are meeting up to drop off your son or daughter at a certain time and place, the OFW app will record your GPS location and timestamp, avoiding disagreements about pick-ups and drop-offs with the new visitation check-in feature.

Adding Our Family Wizard Language to Your Divorce Decree – Recommended for Many

Southlake area divorce lawyer, Leslie Barrows often talks about the benefits of using Our Family Wizard software for families who do not or cannot communicate. By adding language to your court orders requiring the use of OFW to manage co-parenting, your family can reduce high-conflict situations.

Saying you agree to use the OFW system is one thing, having the language in your Mediated Settlement Agreement and Divorce Decree mandates you and the other parent use OFW to communicate regarding their children. For example, you can state in the court order that the parties are ordered to visit the website, enroll and use the program for at least a one-year subscription.

The Our Family Wizard company offers examples of common order language attorneys can use when parents agree or are ordered to use the program. See some examples of common order language about OFW.

You may also like some of the blog articles in our Divorcing with Children series:

• Divorcing with Children 101: Divorcing with Children Without Anxiety
• Divorcing with Children 102: Child Custody
• Divorcing with Children 103: 50/50 Equal Access Possession Schedules

Watch the OFW Tutorial for Parents

Parents who had been through challenging divorces in past years will be envious of the option for people divorcing with children to use a website like Our Family Wizard to reduce anxiety, increase communication and focus on what is really important, quality one on one time with children. Watch the OFW parent tutorial and learn how this software program can make life easier for you and your family.

The Our Family Wizard Tone Meter

What happens when the other parent is doing or saying something that hits all the right buttons to make you made. If there is a sharp tone to your response, the OFW system will flag your words and ask if you would like to try again and say something nice.

Some judges use the OFW site and can pull up your messages in court. Imagine seeing your angry message along with everyone else in the courtroom. Now imagine the judge finding you in contempt for disregarding their orders. The tone meter can help prevent communication problems turning into higher conflict situations that cost everyone time and resources.

The Our Family Wizard Info Bank

Don’t worry if you can’t remember your son or daughter’s belt size, shirt size or blood type when you use the Our Family Wizard Info Bank to manage private and shared family information. In one organized place, you have everything you need and don’t need to contact the other parent when exercising your own parental rights and duties with your child.

Using the Our Family Wizard Pay Feature for Reimbursable Expenses

Parents can submit their receipts for reimbursable health and medical expenses right on their Our Family Wizard account. Making payments to the other parent is easy using OFWpay™ which uses secure technology for sending and receiving funds. The payments and information transferred cannot be manipulated or changed, another accountability feature offered for Our Family Wizard Users. This reduces the risk that the other parent may misrepresent or confuse others about what money paid is for which expenses.

Families with Fast-Passed Lifestyles are Using Our Family Wizard

Not only divorced parents or parents with sharing custody are using Our Family Wizard software and apps to keep track of shared schedules, expenses, and information. For example, when mom is going out of town for the week and dad needs to get the kids to school, practice and appointments, mom can relax knowing dad has OFW on his side. If you are using Our Family Wizard, share the secret of successful scheduling with your married friends with busy lives.

Qualified Discounts Make Using Our Family Wizard Affordable for All

The Our Family Wizard fee waiver program helps indigent parents and families for whom the annual subscription fee may be a burden. Also, parents who work in public services may receive a half-price discount to an OFW subscription.

The Barrows Firm is Committed to Helping Families Function Well After Divorce and Custody Cases

Leslie Barrows and her team of talented attorneys and paralegals at The Barrows Firm work hard to make sure families are doing well after their case. So much work goes into negotiating and settling divorce and custody cases so that lives are smooth and co-parenting is effective. Call The Barrows Firm in Southlake at (817) 481-1583 with your questions about divorce, custody and using Our Family Wizard.

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Protect Yourself, Assets and Parental Rights while Preparing Yourself to File for Divorce

People call a divorce lawyer when they believe they are ready to file for divorce. There are several steps people can take to get educated about the process and what to expect. Protecting yourself, your assets and parental rights is important. The better prepared you are, the easier the process of divorce and child custody may be easier.

Learning about the divorce mediation and process of negotiating a Mediated Settlement Agreement is important. The more you can peacefully settle out of court, the more resources you save to address higher conflict issues.

Note that If you are in any danger of physical harm, do not delay in calling a divorce lawyer for a protective order. And if you are in the direction of harm by another, call the police to report family violence and domestic abuse. Too many people who waited too long became statistics.

Steps to Take for Protecting Yourself when Filing for Divorce

Likely you have talked to people close to you when you started considering whether divorce was an option. Preparing for divorce and things go as peacefully as possible, we must also be ready to respond to a breakdown in communication and good intentions. Get your emotional support team ready.

Thinking about emotional support, prepare not to fill social media with details about your divorce and every twist and turn. These things can and do come back around and can harm you.

Picking Your Emotional Support Team

Feeling isolated and having an existential crisis does not help us make better decisions. Divorce is an emotional experience and our feelings can affect our judgment. Finding a mental health professional, you like, and trust is a good idea.

Support groups for divorcing people help many people realize that in a closed and private setting, you are not the only one going through problems. You can also offer support to the others in your group which becomes part of your emotional support team.

Managing Social Media During Divorce

While it may be tempting to vent on social media on the way out of a hearing or mediation, don’t do it. Some people suggest avoiding social media entirely during divorce. It is ultimately up to you to know whether you can keep quiet about the divorce and maintain a happy presence online talking about anything else.

Too often what is said on Facebook and other social media sites ends up being discussed in divorce cases. The last thing anyone needs is to have evidence of badmouthing a spouse or family. Think as well that while your children may be young now, someday they may also be on social media and see what you said in an avoidable angry rant.

Protecting Your Assets When Preparing Yourself to File for Divorce

Do you want to be the parent that stays in the house and has custody of the kids? Are you the parent planning to move out and get a new place where the kids can come for visitation? In either case, planning for maintaining your life before you file for divorce can help put things in perspective.

How Much Money Do You Need?

Maintaining separate homes and lives costs money. Every family is different. People also adjust differently to a change in financial circumstances. Some people are spenders while others are savers. How much money will you need to maintain your lifestyle after divorce? Are you willing to downsize or are you going to work more than before to increase your income to pay for you and your family’s ongoing living expenses while saving for the future?

When divorcing with assets in retirement accounts, investments, and property, you can work with a divorce financial professional who can suggest options to maintain asset values and appreciation. People are often surprised how quickly cash accounts can be depleted when there is not enough income coming in so that assets can be preserved for the future.

Does Divorce Affect Where Are You Going to Live and Work?

Part of preparing yourself to file for divorce includes a good look at your new home and work situation. If your best job opportunity requires you to move further away from your soon to be ex-spouse, will the increased income disrupt custody and visitation? Some people continue working in their current career job after divorce and seek further education and training to climb the ladder to better opportunities. Especially when divorcing with children it is important to realize how the logistics of pick up and drop off for visitation may work.

Parenting Rights to Protect when Preparing Yourself to File for Divorce

The reality of your job and work demands can affect the feasibility of seeking to be the primary parent. If you have younger children and commute to work, it can be challenging to be the primary parent with whom the children reside. Seeking the court’s appointment as the parent with the exclusive right to establish the residence of a child is something you and your divorce lawyer should discuss in creating a strategy that makes sense for your reality.

Parenting rights are important. When you are well-prepared for the process of divorce, you may find the best solution for custody and visitation through mediation. Alternatively, if you are litigating a custody contest for rights and duties as a parent, prepare for battle. Your divorce lawyer can fight for you in child custody proceedings, but beware that all kinds of past acts and incidents can come back to threaten your case. Being honest and truthful with your lawyer about the worst things your spouse and their supporters may say about you.

Part of Being Prepared Before You File for Divorce is Hiring a Great Divorce and Custody Lawyer

Southlake divorce and child custody attorney, Leslie Barrows stresses the importance of hiring a lawyer you trust and with whom you feel comfortable. To learn more about Leslie Barrows you can listen to this podcast, Attorney Profile: Leslie Barrow’s Law Practice.

Contact us online or call us at The Barrows Firm in Southlake by dialing (817) 481-1583 to schedule a consultation with Attorney Leslie Barrows when you are preparing yourself to file for divorce.

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Updated January 30, 2019

A significant amount of divorce and family law cases involve the use of social media evidence to prove allegations and win in court. There is an irony in the design of social media platforms. It helps us meet and attract people and keep in touch with friends. The counterbalance involves people becoming angry, jealous, upset which can lead to losing relationships and being isolated from others. The ability to cyber stalk one another opens the door to misunderstandings, assumptions and real evidence of good or bad conduct. When social media evidence is introduced in divorce and family law cases, the credibility of the people involved can be inferred from social media activity.

Social media activity may lead to divorce. “A recent study has found a correlation between relationship health and Facebook use that may cause more people to want to switch off the computer and smartphone in favor of spending more time paying attention to their spouses.1” Being addicted to social media and our devices can lead to consequences. Jealous spouses or family members might start investigating one another and could create unnecessary problems or make a discovery that changes the nature of a relationship.

Do you know or remember what content is out there, and what stories could be told about you?

Being proactive is important. It is always a good practice to review your social media sites every now and then, to scrub for any posts or content that might be taken the wrong way or lead to unfortunate innuendo. Memes and quotes from others can be inferred to mean just about anything when another person is looking for a fight. Remember, however, when scrubbing or eliminating content on your social media, there may be a permanent record of it somewhere. We have no idea who may screenshot and save our pictures and posts, especially if one person anticipates a divorce or family law action in the near future.

Social media is used in evidence introduced to prove allegations in divorce cases.

A petition for divorce could be based on no-fault allegations but it could also be based on the fault allegations of adultery, cruelty or abandonment, for example. There is a financial incentive to allege fault because the wronged party may be entitled to more money in the division of the marital property and assets. Social media posts are used with increased frequency to prove the allegations in the petition. In allegations of adultery and dissipation of marital assets on a paramour, the pictures on Facebook or check-ins at an out of the way happy hour stop can and are often accepted as evidence of an affair. A judge or jury reviewing social media evidence is going to have impressions of the credibility of the parties involved in divorce. Being ready to defend your social media use is imperative to success in a contested divorce case. Being transparent and honest is always recommended. Lying to a judge or your lawyer is a bad idea because the truth most often comes out and your credibility is at stake.

The best interests of children in contested custody can involve social media evidence.

In contested child custody cases, social media can be useful for the judge or jury considering the best interests of children and how children in particular cases appear, in joy or sorrow. The customs and standards of living and lifestyle in a family can also be proven through a history of consistent social media content. While social media can be helpful, it can also be threatening in custody cases. When one parent alleges the other engages in wrong behavior, social media posts may be collected and used to tell a persuasive story about the other parent or their family or friends who may also have an influence on children. Imagine a custody hearing or trial where several witnesses testify about what was really happening in the pictures at little Billy’s birthday party; things can get rather heated.

Adopting best social media practice is always good for credibility, even if you are not in litigation.

Many social media experts and personal coaches agree that the people engaged in social media presume a level of truth in what people see and post online. Because so many people have smartphones and technology to capture everything around them, it is a best practice to assume that every time you leave the house, everyone around you could be recording audio, video or capturing pictures that may need to be explained later. When it comes to divorce and family law matters, the use of social media in litigation is here to stay and will likely continue to increase. As the rules and laws adapt to address social media and the use of our technology and devices, divorce and family law attorneys will need to counsel clients on their use and history on social media. Every day is a good day to practice good social media etiquette, and not have to worry as you may meet someone special and start a family or terminate your relationships with others.

The Barrows Firm attorneys frequently counsel and defend clients whose social media is introduced in their family law or divorce case. If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located downtown Fort Worth at 500 East Belknap Street, near the Tarrant County Courthouse and the Tarrant County Family Law Center.

1. HG.org Legal Resources, Facebook has Become a Leading Cause in Divorce Cases.

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50/50 Equal Access Possession Schedules as Alternatives to the Standard Possession Orders

Divorcing with children in Texas requires decisions about which parent will have which rights and duties and where the children will live during and after the divorce. Even though Texas law presumes both parents should be named as joint managing conservators with shared rights and duties regarding a child and their residence, school, church, doctor and more, one parent is often named the primary parent and that is the parent who usually also has the exclusive right to determine the residence of the child. The other parent traditionally has periods of possession of and access to the child, what is otherwise called visitation.

When many of the financial issues can be settled through mediation or other alternative dispute resolution out of court, the children’s issues regarding which parent is named as primary and which may have rights to determine the exclusive residence of the child are frequently contested and a source of serious conflict.

Leslie Barrows, principal of The Barrows Firm in Southlake says, “50/50 works if parents live in close proximity and have the ability to co-parent with one another. Once other spouses and stepchildren are introduced into the picture it can be more difficult because routines change.”

In addition to this article, you may also want like Divorcing with Children 101: Divorcing with Children Without Anxiety, and Divorcing with Children 102: Child Custody. Call us at The Barrows Firm for more information (817) 481-1583.                                                                                                                                                                                

Making the Case for Equal Access Possession

Whether equally shared possession is a group or alternating days or weeks, 50/50 custody agreements can work well for certain families. Some say that equal access possession is easier for children to remember where they are going to be. Kids who can spend equal time with both their parents may be less likely to fear that they are missing out on the attention and relationship time with one parent. Also, as attorney Barrows also says, “Equal access possession does away with the word “primary” which leads many cases straight to trial because one parent wants the primary parent designation.”

When both parents have 50/50 custody, a child may also appreciate that both parents are equal, and both are good. When one parent “wins” custody and is named primary parent, a child may have an impression that the primary parent is better than the other or is somehow more equipped to be a good parent.

Equal access possession schedules are not for everyone, however. Also, things can change, and new circumstances can prompt a possession schedule change, which does not have to be a bad thing. At the end of the day, it is in a child’s best interest to have meaningful time and emotional bonds with both parents. It fosters safety, security and a hopefully an appreciation for compromise and sharing.

Here are some examples of 50/50 custody arrangements on the popular website, Custody Exchange.

When Parents Live Nearby, 50/50 Equal Access is Easier

Logistics are a key ingredient to a successful 50/50 custody arrangement. If you and your former spouse or other parent live in close to one another, the child’s home and school routines are less likely to be disturbed by an equal access schedule.

For example, if it is Mom’s week and the child left something for school at Dad’s house, it is easy enough for co-parents to drop off the missing book folder that did not make it into the backpack. If Mom and Dad live in different counties or many miles apart, it makes the logistics of getting to school and other activities impractical.

When Parents Are Co-Parenting Well, an Equal Access Possession Schedule Can Work

Being flexible, being fair, and putting the child’s best interests first are important to co-parenting. Kids have enough to worry about just being kids, without worrying about parents fighting for their time and attention. If Mom is crushed every time the child goes to Dad’s or vice versa, the child may feel fault and guilt about traveling back and forth. The animosity that builds in some people can prevent effective co-parenting which requires parents to get along peaceably and agree their child needs both parents in their lives, with a positive attitude.

Divorcing with children and co-parenting well is something that takes the right attitude and it requires flexibility. When situations that arise that conflict with the possession schedule, a good co-parent can compromise and communicate well. Effective communication with the other parent is imperative when considering a 50/50 equal access possession schedule. When groups of alternating days or weeks need to be adjusted because one parent has a work trip or vacation, or some other situation arises, co-parents must be able to communicate well, not let emotion take over, and really be team players.

Introducing New Partners and Stepchildren With 50/50 Possession Orders

All the negotiating and planning involved in arriving at an agreed possession schedule can go out the window when families grow, adding new spouses and stepchildren. While the 50/50 equal access possession schedule may work well with everyone involved in creating it, it can be a logistical nightmare when there one of the co-parents has a new spouse and children with whom your family is blending.

It is not that the new spouse or stepchildren intend to upset the status quo, rather the number of schedules and potential conflicts may require some extra flexibility. If you are trying to keep track of who has possession more days than the other parent and things are no longer as equal, it may be time to consider other options. Ideally, everyone can get along and appreciate one another’s time and needs while remaining focused on the best interests of your child.

Net Benefit: Avoiding One Parent Being Named the Primary Parent

As previously mentioned in this article, parents often take custody cases to full trials to be named the primary parent. This designation in the grand scheme of conservatorship and possession and access serves its function, but it certainly does not mean that one parent is better than the other because they are named “primary.” It also doesn’t mean that one parent won custody and the other lost.

When there is nothing to gain by fighting over being the primary parent, more parents might agree to negotiate towards settlement out of court and save time and resources for themselves and the future of the children.

Negotiating 50/50 Equal Access Possession with Southlake Divorce Attorney Leslie Barrows

Divorcing with children can be challenging and doing what is in the best interests of children can be a point of disagreement among parents. The more parents can negotiate towards conflict resolution out of court, the better they can save time and resources for other matters. Being open to 50/50 equal access possession schedules can be a stretch for some people who are just not used to the concept. In practice, they might find out it works well, and the children are happy and well adjusted. Remember, if it needs to be modified later, that is always an option.

Contact us online or call us at The Barrows Firm in Southlake by dialing (817) 481-1583 to schedule a consultation with Attorney Leslie Barrows when divorcing with children and you are interested in an equal access possession schedule.

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Divorcing with Children: Child Custody Issues

When divorcing with children, child custody must be determined by agreement or ordered by the court. The terms custody and visitation are commonly used by people when talking about conservatorship and possession or access to the child, the terms used in the Texas Family Code. Everything decided should be in the best interests of the child. When custody orders need modifications or enforcement, separate proceedings are available.

Conservatorship decisions involve parents’ rights and responsibilities to make decisions for the child. Possession of and access to the child is the visitation element of a child custody order. The parties or the court must set a possession and access schedule. In the beginning of a divorce with children, at a temporary orders hearing, it is initially determined where and with whom the child will live during the divorce. At the end of the divorce, at the final trial often incorporates on a permanent basis, the temporary orders regarding conservatorship (custody) and possession of and access to the child (visitation).

In the Southlake area and around Tarrant and Denton Counties, Attorney Leslie Barrows is well known and respected for her work in divorce and child custody negotiation and litigation. She and her team at The Barrows Firm can develop the right strategy for you and your family.

In case you missed it, please see our first blog article in this series, Divorcing with Children 101, focusing on reducing the child’s anxiety and maintaining a mentally and emotionally safe and secure environment.

Joint Managing Conservatorship

When parents share the responsibility for making decisions in the best interest of the child they are appointed and named joint managing conservators. In a parenting plan, the joint managing conservators are identified and assigned specific decisions to be made together or independently and by whom.

One of the specific rights assigned to one parent is the exclusive right to determine the residence of the child, and this is a significant determination, often negotiated and litigated in high conflict divorces with children.

When both parents are joint managing conservators, one parent is deemed the primary parent, with whom the child lives primarily, as the other parent has periods of possession or access.

Joint managing conservatorship requires the cooperation of both parents as they share decision making responsibilities. Hopefully, they can actively participate in the child’s activities and their emotional and educational development. When communication breakdowns, changes in circumstances and conflict prevent effective co-parenting, the joint managing conservatorship may no longer be effective. The rights and duties of the parents can be modified in a separate legal action so that one parent will be a sole managing conservator and the other a possessory conservator.

Sole Managing Conservatorship

A sole managing conservator is one parent who must make decisions in the child’s best interest and exclusively determine the primary residence of the child. In divorces with children where one parent, by credible evidence, engaged in past or present child neglect or abuse or family violence, the other parent will be the sole managing conservator because a joint managing conservatorship is prohibited by the law stated in the Texas Family Code.

A separate modification suit is required to change the rights and responsibilities of conservators from joint managing to sole managing conservators. The modification requires proving material and substantial changes in circumstances or proving evidence of family violence or a conviction for child abuse, an automatic ground for modification.

Possession of and Access to the Child

In most divorces with children, child custody agreements incorporated into parenting plans are based on a standard model for shared parenting time which is called a possession schedule. Each county may adopt a standard possession schedule with a few expanded versions and options to fit different families.

Parents may use a standard possession and access order as a starting point and can negotiate a custom schedule that works for everyone involved. Especially where one parent has a challenging work schedule including travel obligations and other responsibilities that make it difficult to adhere to a fixed or standard schedule.

Being flexible with the needs of the other parent and making concessions in the schedule from time to time is appropriate. Planning ahead for holidays and adjusting for family events and vacations helps reduce conflict. Communication among parents and families is a key component of successful co-parenting with schedules for possession of and access to the child.

Mediation and Alternative Dispute Resolution for Determining Child Custody, for Modifications and Enforcement Actions

Parents must decide how they want to settle child custody conflicts. The parties can use mediation to resolve high conflict issues. One advantage of mediation is saving time and resources. Instead of setting, preparing and attending a contested court hearing, the parties can stay out of court. Mediation and other alternative dispute resolution methods usually take place at an agreed time and place where everyone can work at compromising and getting down to the bottom line. When divorcing with children, child custody conflict resolved by the parties out of Court is encouraged by judges.

Mediation used to reach an agreement and parenting plan in the original divorce and custody suit is similar to mediation used after the suit is over and co-parents have modification and enforcement issues. After the divorce time will test parenting plans and possession schedules. When things are not working and one of the parties falls out of compliance, mediation can be very effective in a suit to modify or enforce the Court’s order.

Divorcing with Children and Child Custody Lawyer, Leslie Barrows in Southlake, Texas

Attorney Leslie Barrows is the founding and principal divorce and custody lawyer at The Barrows Firm in Southlake, where she and her team of trial attorneys and paralegals are focused solely on divorce and family law cases, representing parents divorcing with children and child custody issues. Attorney Barrows is a divorce lawyer and mediator. She is a mother of boys herself and is an active member in several organizations in the Southlake and Tarrant County areas.

Contact us online or call us at The Barrows Firm in Southlake by dialing (817) 481-1583 to schedule a consultation with Attorney Leslie Barrows when divorcing with children and child custody is a primary concern.

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Divorcing with Children Without Anxiety

Raising happy children after divorce should be the goal of both parents. The decision to divorce can be challenging when parents consider the potential impact on the children. It is a good idea to prepare ahead of time and figure out what to tell them, either together as parents or one on one. Many divorced parents say their kids are happier after the divorce, no longer witnessing unhappy parents in a bad marriage. Telling the kids and working with their range of reactions can be a challenge. Mental health professionals can be great resources, a neutral third party with whom children can be blunt.

During your divorce, there are two important things to remember. First, don’t talk to your kids about the divorce or tell them negative things about their other parent of whom they are half. Second, do spend time reassuring your children and making them feel safe and secure.

Making sure your children know that the divorce has nothing to do with them is important. As you give them reassurance that the divorce will not change anything with exception of possession schedules for visitation, do some research and do appreciate the advice of your attorney, mental health professional, and others who have an impact on kids. Extended family members, teachers, and peers from sports, school and church can all play an important role in divorce and raising kids in 2019.

You may also appreciate this article in Parenting Magazine with additional tips for divorcing with children, Raising Healthy, Happy Kids Through a Divorce.

Is the Divorce Better for the Kids

No kid ever said I wish my parents would get back together and fight all the time. It can be terribly challenging for kids who watch parents in unhappy and sometimes violent marriages. Children need to feel safe. Children need to feel secure. Children need to feel loved.

When ending a bad marriage, you have more one on one time with your children to nurture their needs of safety, security, and love. Letting them know they are not broken just because your marriage ended is also important. If you and your former spouse can co-parent effectively and focus on reassuring the children, everyone can move forward in life in peace.

Telling Children About the Divorce

How to tell kids about the divorce is a challenging question parents face. Young children in pre-school years don’t really know what divorce means. Telling them that Mommy and Daddy are no longer going to live in the same house but will still see them regularly, begs the question, who is going to take care of me then? The fundamentals of life can be scary to a young child and it is so important to spend quality time with them and give them the reassurance they need.

Pre-teens know a little more but can be confused about why the divorce is happening. Telling your children, you plan to divorce is scary for older children who are just getting their footing in the world. Even though they are better prepared for divorce, the sense of security and permanency of the family unit is gone. Their minds may wander and wonder if anything in the world is secure or permanent. Telling children about the divorce can be an opportunity to create new bonds and schedule important one on one time with the child.

Children Reacting to Divorce

How will children react to the divorce? Consider a four-year-old and a 14-year-old adapting to their parents’ divorce. The four-year-old may be young enough to accept information about a world they are still figuring out, compared to the 14-year-old who thinks they know everything. But what the older one doesn’t really know is why their parents are fighting or what leads to divorce.

Kids may try to please parents by not being a wrench in the family. The older ones likely know other kids from divorced parents and see it is okay and there is nothing to worry about. That said, the second a new partner shows up, all bets can be off, and children may act out to get attention. This may be the time the school calls and the once well-mannered student is now bullying other kids.

Surprising Anxiety Considerations when Divorcing with Children

1. Co-parenting is not something we are born to know how to do. Some of the things we try to make everything well with a kid can backfire. Take, for example, letting your child decide where they want to stay and letting them create their own visitation schedule. Mental health professionals often say children complain about being asked to pick between parents because they are don’t want to hurt either parent’s feelings.
2. Having no predictable custody and visitation agreement can be a problem. While it seems like a nice idea to be very flexible and go with the flow, children craving certainty can be upset when they never know where they are going to be. Uncertainty adds to anxiety.
3. Letting your child be the messenger between you and your spouse can also cause stress and anxiety. While you may not want to talk to your former spouse directly, telling your kid to ask their mother or father about pick-ups, drop-offs and scheduling can be a problem. When the child messenger relays information you don’t like, it is too easy to react and put your child in the middle. Instead, try using text messages or neutral information exchange websites like Our Family Wizard.

With Further Questions About Divorcing with Children, Call on The Barrows Firm in Southlake

Southlake family law and divorce attorney Leslie Barrows is the founding and managing attorney at The Barrows Firm in Southlake. A mother of boys and an active member of the community, Leslie is an experienced divorce and family law attorney with the best resources for all your needs when going through divorce and matters affecting children including issues of conservatorship, possession or access to the children, the right to exclusively determine the residence of the child, child support, medical expenses and more.

Divorcing with Children does not have to be difficult when you have the support of friends, family and the right legal and mental health professionals who support you during and after your divorce with children. To learn more about The Barrows Firm, our team, or filing for divorce, please contact us online or call the Southlake office at (817) 481-1583.

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Uninsured Medical Expense Reimbursement: Must Send EOBs

The parent seeking reimbursement for uninsured portions of children’s health-care expenses must fulfill the conditions causing the other’s duty to pay. The parent should present the other with any Received forms, receipts, bills, statements and explanations of benefits (EOBs) relating to medical expenses. How EOBs and statements should be presented for reimbursement should be stated in the district court’s order and judgment regarding reimbursement for the other’s payment of medical expenses.

When we take our child to the doctor, fill their prescriptions and follow up with medical care instructions the insurance policy covering the child may not pay the entire bill for service. The policy might also require the parent to submit their bills to the insurance company for reimbursement. When the insurance company makes a payment on the child’s behalf within the insurance policy, EOB statements are sent to the person who made the insurance claim. That EOB statement is important when another parent has a duty to reimburse for a portion of the cash amount that had to be paid which was not covered by insurance.

Most agreed orders or decisions by the Court and included in temporary or final orders include obligations to reimburse another for uninsured medical expenses paid for a child. The order should specify the procedure for submitting statements of paid medical expenses to be reimbursed.

Questions about EOBs and understanding the forms? Here’s an EOB resource on healthinsurance.org.

Motions for Enforcement for Expense Reimbursement

When a party, usually a parent, has the duty to reimburse the other and the procedure is not followed, and reimbursements are not made as required, the recourse is a motion for enforcement of the court’s order. Motions for enforcement often include requests that attorney’s fees be paid, generally stating that the party willfully and knowingly failed to comply with the order of the Court. Refusing to or not giving EOBs in a proper and timely manner can lead to an enforcement action where the party bringing the action also asks for payment their attorney’s fees.

Second District Opinion: Uninsured Medical Expense Reimbursement

A suit regarding uninsured medical expense reimbursement was recently decided by the Second District Court of Appeals in Fort Worth. In the recent case, the court held that EOBs and related statements showing reimbursable medical expenses must be timely tendered to the party from whom reimbursement is due, based on the order of the Court.

In the Interest of L.K. and O.K., Children, the option states in pertinent part as follows: "Mother contents, in part, that her obligation to reimburse grandparents within any specific time never arose because she never received the explanations of benefits." The court agreed and reversed the trial court's order granting attorney’s fees for bringing an action to enforce the terms of an agreed order among mother and grandparents, requiring the mother to reimburse the grandparents for 25% of the uninsured portion of the children's health-care expenses within thirty days." No. 02-18-00049-CV.

Prerequisites for Liability for Payment

To collect the ordered amount of reimbursement for uninsured medical expenses for a child, the party seeking reimbursement must satisfy the prerequisites for liability for payment. The other party is not liable for payment until that prerequisite is met. A prerequisite for payment could be, “furnish the other party all forms, receipts, bills, statements, and EOBs for uninsured portions of healthcare expenses within thirty days of receipt.”

Disagreements about what it means to “furnish the other party” can arise. For example, if one sends the EOBs by mail to a post office box instead of sending them by email with attachments of the original forms and statements, the prerequisite for liability of payment might not be there.

The Barrow’s Firm website is a resource for common topics in family law and divorces in Texas.

Settling Conflicts Regarding Expense Reimbursement Out of Court

Sometimes people cannot get along. Other times some people refuse to get along. When one parent obligated to reimburse the other fails to make payment because the process for seeking reimbursement was not technically followed, the conflict can turn into an enforcement action that costs time and money. Often at the first sign of a problem with complying with the Court’s order is addressed in correspondence between the party’s attorneys.

In other cases, if the divorce lawyers are no longer retained, disagreements over medical expense reimbursement are either handled without lawyers, until the conflict escalates, and one sues the other for not complying with the order. They ask the court to order the noncomplying party to pay for the attorney they had to hire to get the expenses reimbursed.

Some children have greater medical needs and there are frequently uninsured portions of medical expenses that are paid and need to be reimbursed according to the order of the Court. To create that duty to pay the party requesting reimbursement must create that duty to pay by with the necessary prerequisites such as sending EOBs to the other in the time, place and manner set forth in the order.

Turn to The Barrows Firm to Settle Reimbursement Issues and Enforce Reimbursement Orders

Leslie Barrows and her team at The Barrows Firm in Southlake can help you recover unreimbursed medical expenses if your co-parent refuses to pay. If an enforcement action becomes necessary, the experienced trial attorneys at The Barrows Firm will represent you and enforce the order in court.

The Barrows Firm in Southlake is available by phone at (817) 481-1583 or make contact through the website.

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January is a busy month for new divorce, custody and modification filings because there are so many holiday divorce and custody issues for parents and kids. Most people who file a case in January decided months earlier and chose to wait until after the holidays. Some people wait until after Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years because they hope some holiday magic will fix their problems. Others wait until the new year, so the children’s holidays are not interrupted.

Parents recently divorced with a new custody arrangement hope that everything will go according to schedule, and plans agreed upon by co-parents. Often their children who know plenty of other kids with divorced parents are happier than expected. However, that happiness may be a performance to make everyone happy when there is underlying hurt.

Mental health counselors and therapists are valuable when it comes to holiday divorce and custody issues, not only for children but parents as well. Listening to a mental health professional’s tips for making it through the holidays can be an asset. They may remind you and the kids to be patient, flexible and focus on other people. They might remind you what the holidays are all about and not let the divorce or custody case define who you are and what matters most.

Considering divorce? Read our article, Telling your spouse you want a divorce.

Holiday Divorce Issues

People who know they want a divorce but wait for the holidays are full of anticipation. Many have already talked to a divorce lawyer, maybe some time ago, and are mentally preparing for January. It can be easy to wear a smile and bear one’s emotions knowing it is the last time to fake it. This can be a change for people who previously dreaded family holiday dinners and get-togethers because their spouse was becoming unbearable.

Those people still on the fence about divorce can use Thanksgiving and Christmas to picture themselves no longer married and happily celebrating with the friends and family who make life better, not worse. Picturing new traditions and happier children no longer putting up with fighting parents can be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Custody Exchanges and Co-Parenting Concerns

Most first holiday seasons after divorce parents stick closely to the Standard Possession Order or alternative order entered in their case. Dropping off and picking up children can either go well or can be the flashpoint for greater problems. Rarely are both parents happy about the divorce and custody arrangement. Visitation exchanges can be an unfortunate opportunity for the spiteful to make their points and emotions known.

Depending on the terms of your parenting plan and custody order you could bring another along for pick up or drop off as a witness to visitation exchange or appoint another person you trust to help and hopefully avoid an unpleasant confrontation.

Children Adapting to Holiday Divorce and Custody Issues

In many cases, children respond better to divorce and custody cases than do their parents. As many children have friends with divorced parents, the holiday visitation exchanges and holiday scheduling confusion is normal. What children might not be expecting, however, can also be a surprise to you.

Most divorce lawyers and mental health professionals working with families and children advise waiting a significant amount of time before introducing kids to a new partner and/or their own children. Whether the kids get along with the children of the new partner is a short-term concern. The long-term issue can be stability and knowing who is going to be around and upon whom can children rely?

Even after you or your former spouse may be dating someone for many months, the holidays might not be the best time to mixing children and creating blended families.

Make Records of Noteworthy Events

When a pattern of failure to comply with the court’s order is clear, a modification case could be on the horizon. If there are witnesses to certain conduct, make notes of who was present. Often in custody modifications and enforcement cases, the evidence is testimony from witnesses with personal knowledge of situations.

When the other parent of your children is still angry about the divorce or custody case and outcome, they may want to let you know they are upset and lose their manners around the holidays. Sometimes people take longer to get over their feelings and will start being better about co-parenting. But if visitation exchanges, bad talk in front of kids and other wrong behavior continues, you may need to produce a record of poor behavior to prove your case.

Saying Positive Messages and Keeping a Smile Despite a Divorce or Custody Case.

As the saying goes, fake it until you make it. Nobody expects anyone in the middle of a divorce or contested custody case to be the poster child for holiday happiness. For all people of all ages, there are thoughts and memories about holidays that come around and not every memory is the happiest.

Reminiscing with others over bad times can be good therapy. Remembering the good and the bad can be simultaneous and others may recall those holidays when you wondered whether everyone was going to make it to the New Year in one piece.

If your current situation has room for improvement, think and talk about the good times to come. Keeping a positive outlook is a healthy way to move forward. Try counting down the days until January is here and kids are back in school. Talk about planning for spring vacations and summer camp. Anything you can do to focus the attention away from your legal issues can ease the pain.

Leslie Barrows is Southlake Divorce Lawyer You Can Trust

Whether you are planning to divorce in January or you have been divorced and holiday custody and visitation arrangements are not working, you can call Leslie Barrows to learn your legal rights and options when those holiday divorce and custody issues arise, and you need an experienced divorce and custody lawyer. The Barrows Firm in Southlake is a divorce and family law office and you can contact or call them anytime at (817) 481-1583.

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Being Grateful on Thanksgiving After Divorce

Given the options of having an interrupted life and sharing your kids versus never having them, any parent who loves their children will be grateful for them on Thanksgiving. After the divorce and custody process is finalized, we all must move on with our lives and that means dealing with the holidays.

The good news is nobody can tell you what to do or how to feel or act. Custody and visitation are something to get used to and your Thanksgiving is not going to be normal right away. Regardless of your feelings about not having your ex at the table, their presence, good or bad is still something that will be a part of you and your memories that all seem to rush back around times like Thanksgiving.

So, plan your meal, or not. Make plans to watch the parades, or not. Thanksgiving After Divorce is going to happen whether you like it or not. It also begins the Christmas season and you have much to prepare for and many people to see, including your children and extended family.

Custody and Visitation After Divorce

In Texas, custody and visitation plans follow the local county’s Standard Possession Order (SPO), a schedule laying out periods of access for the non-primary parent for visitation with the kids. Holidays like Thanksgiving alternate and the co-parent usually has the kids on odd-numbered years, from the last day of school before Thanksgiving until Sunday evening.

Use this link to the Tarrant County Standard Possession and Access (Visitation) Order

Even if your divorce decree includes the SPO or another custom schedule, as parents, you both can be flexible and trade time as you all may agree. For example, if relatives on one side are only in town on limited days, letting the kids come by, or sharing time on Thanksgiving is a nice gesture that can go a long way as you learn a new co-parenting relationship with your former spouse.

You Don’t Have to Change Your Routine on Thanksgiving After Divorce

While it is popular to talk about creating new traditions after divorce, there is no reason you must change anything about how you want to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Keeping tradition is something people hold dear. With birth and death, we all know the number of place settings may change over the years and the feeling is similar on Thanksgiving Day when your former spouse and kids are not there. You can still set your table and cook all the dishes you love. And if you choose not to invite any other people to come celebrate with you, then you will have more leftovers, unless your kids come back sooner and eat all those leftovers of dishes they may have been missing at their other Thanksgiving.

Give Yourself the Opportunity to Take as Much Time to Adjust

The first year after a divorce is going to be a time of change. You are on your own schedule and nobody can tell you how to feel about holidays like Thanksgiving. If you prefer to go out to eat instead, go for it. We all need time to reflect and at times it seems like we have nothing for which to be thankful. Just because things change, doesn’t mean we have to stop being thankful. At times we are so self-focused we fail to see all the good things in our lives. Allow yourself the time to reflect and proceed at your own pace.

Should You Still Make Plans with Former In-laws to Thanksgiving?

Since Emily Post published her book “Etiquette” in 1922, generations have attended to accepted customs and rules of polite conduct. Today, the Emily Post Institute maintains a website with business, wedding and lifestyle categories of articles. There are topics including Holidays and Celebrations as well as Separation and Divorce.

While you may not base your post-divorce holiday decisions on the musings of others in society, there may be a few things to think about.

Decisions about in-laws may follow concerns of sensitivity, respect, and privacy. Even if you do not think you are expected to address them about whether you will see them or not, consider that all our personal relationships are important. If you are close friends with a now-former in-law, you might text them and find a time to get together during Thanksgiving weekend if you chose not to invite them over or attend their celebration if you are invited.

Is There Wiggle Room on Thanksgiving Day?

If you have a good enough relationship with your ex, you might negotiate your kids’ short appearance on Thanksgiving Day, even if it’s only an hour or two to watch the parade with grandparents and take some family pictures. If distance or circumstance prevents you from seeing your kids on Thanksgiving, try scheduling a time to Facetime them or chat on Skype so they can say hello to family and everyone who may be with you.

It is important to show your kids that everyone still moves forward with happy lives despite the divorce.

Being Grateful with Children on Thanksgiving Regardless of the Situation

When you may feel stressed about your first or second Thanksgiving after divorce, think about how much everyone’s lives can change over the years. Imagine you and your children being the most grateful for the future ahead of everyone. Families will continue growing and as you set the table years in the future you may have a new spouse, children, grandbabies and more. Always be thankful.

Southlake Divorce Attorney Leslie Barrows Wishes Everyone a Happy Thanksgiving

At The Barrows Firm in Southlake, Leslie and her team of trial attorneys, paralegals and support staff know how challenging it can when the holidays approach during or after a divorce or custody case. Know you are not alone in dealing with life and its changes.

For assistance with your family’s divorce and children’s issues, contact or call The Barrows Firm in Southlake at (817) 481-1583.

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Being a Top Attorney is an Honor and Responsibility

Leslie Barrows recently received an email notifying her that she was selected to the list of named Top Attorneys in Fort Worth Magazine for Family Law. Nominations and votes by ballot by other Tarrant County attorneys are used in the process of naming annual Top Attorneys to be listed in the annual issue, including profiles of named Top Attorneys. This is the 17th year of the Top Attorneys publication and the December 2018 issue will be available shortly.

Like similar attorney ratings systems and awards, the Fort Worth Magazine Top Attorneys list is derived from local nominations and votes from other attorneys who know, like and trust Leslie Barrows. From watching her in court, by working together on a case, or watching her participate and speak all over Tarrant County for a variety of causes and organizations. Being named a Top Attorney means people are watching and taking notes.

The Responsibility of Meeting the Expectations of Others

Earning a positive reputation in a community of eager and zealous professionals takes a significant amount of work and energy. To start getting to know people and be invited to events and opportunities means you must start participating in the community, not only with work and legal related organizations but also the general community at large, where you also meet more professionals in other fields who are a great source of referrals and ideas.

Everyone who has earned recognition among their peers has stepped up to volunteer and help support worthy organizations and spends many hours with a variety of groups focused on causes and goals. Sometimes leadership roles are time consuming and make it difficult to manage a busy practice and busier extracurricular calendar. To that end, everyone who has made a name for themselves has earned it by putting in the long hours and doing their best to keep a positive attitude.

Living with Passion and Humility, Being a Good Member of Your Community

Anyone who thinks they have made it and no longer must work hard will hit the wall of reality, that relevance is not only earned, it must be maintained.

Leslie Barrows offered a few thoughts on the Top Attorney listing, “Being named a Top Attorney by peers helps me realize that while my peers recognize me for my work and dedication to my law practice and my community, I can not sit back and coast.”

As people say we are always learning and always growing, we all can all continue joining new groups, continue saying hello to the past groups and answering the phone when anyone in our past, present or future needs our help or just to talk.

People rely on Leslie Barrows and the attorneys and staff at The Barrows Firm when they need serious experience and attention to their high stakes divorce, custody, juvenile and probate legal matters. Leslie is available to schedule a consultation at (817) 481-1583. Thank you all for naming Leslie Barrows a Top Attorney in 2018.

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Whether serving in Juvenile Law or Private Divorce and Family Practice, Paralegals are True First Responders

Speaking to attendees of the annual State Bar of Texas Paralegal Conference about juvenile law, Leslie Barrows talked about the value of paralegals. “Paralegals are the first responders with the heart and soul of our team, advocating for our clients,” Barrows stated. There is a balance of compassion and responsibility when paralegals are juvenile law first responders.

In divorce and family law cases, paralegals are like nurses who know everything about a patient to assist the treating physician and others in the team. Our paralegals are the law firm’s first responders, giving immediate service and help to clients and the rest of our legal team.

A Team Approach to Service at The Barrows Firm

Being able to immediately respond to any client with an immediate need requires prompt action and a division of duties and responsibilities at The Barrows Firm in Southlake. Our communication and information processes are streamlined to be efficient and effective in helping our clients.

If Leslie or another associate attorney is unavailable in court, a properly instructed paralegal will talk to the client with their question or assist with an urgent matter. Even if the information is to sit tight and not talk to anyone else until Leslie contacts them, the client receives a quick and meaningful response.

Paralegals are First Responders Fielding Phone Calls

When paralegals are working on their instructed duties on client files and work production, such as assisting with discovery responses or requests, the client may rely on the paralegal working on their file to help answer questions and receive information quickly and efficiently, so the process keeps moving at an appropriate pace and issues are correctly addressed.

Attorneys rely on paralegals to research, receive and organize information so the attorneys have accurate information and can contact the clients with any follow up discussion as necessary.

Paralegals are Providing Care for Our Clients

Whether they are returning phone calls or emails, sending or receiving key information about deadlines and hearing or trial dates, paralegals are providing not only care but also reassurance to our clients about their cases and proceedings, so they are informed and comfortable with the process. Here at The Barrows Firm, we know that divorce, family law or custody case may be upsetting and uncomfortable, and we entrust our paralegals to always treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve at an important time in your life.

Leslie Barrows is the principal attorney at The Barrows Firm, serving clients in Tarrant County in Southlake, Colleyville, Grapevine, Trophy Club, Keller and surrounding areas including Denton County. The Barrows Firm accepts new cases and referrals for divorce, child custody, family law, juvenile, and probate law, and matters. Call today to schedule a meeting by dialing (817) 484-1583.

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General Instructions on Deposition Preparation in Divorce and Family Law Cases

Being put on the spot is one thing, being deposed is another, but you do not need to worry if you know how to prepare to give your deposition in a divorce or family law case. Depositions are like what you see on television or movies when someone testifies in court. A deposition, however, does not take place at trial, It is part of the pre-trial discovery process. The opposing attorney will send a notice with the time and place you will be deposed to offer your testimony response to their questions. Documents may also be requested to bring along to the deposition. When you are prepared, tell the truth, stay calm, and are polite, there is no reason to lose sleep.

Remember that any questions, issues or challenges arising in your deposition can later be addressed at trial. While it is important to be accurate and truthful, there is an opportunity to correct problems.

General Deposition Preparation

1. You do not need to bring anything with you to the deposition room unless I previously reviewed or approved it. However, the examiner taking the deposition may use their own notes or documents to refresh your recollection. If a document is presented to you, make sure to read it very carefully. Take your time to make sure you understand what it is and what it says.
2. The examiner is not your friend. You have no duty to convince them of anything, but you do have a duty to answer their question. Be polite and answer shortly and succinctly. Do not keep talking and offer answers to questions not asked. Do not assume you know where they are going with their line of questioning and cut them off at the pass. The examiner might say they are confused, but that is not your concern. You only need to answer their question.
3. Do not let the examiner put words in your mouth. Listen to their question carefully and do not assume that the examiner’s summary of facts is correct. If you have no personal knowledge of the summary they suggest then say you have no personal knowledge and stop talking.
4. If you are concerned about particularly sensitive questions and answers, please talk with me, your attorney, before the deposition.
5. Private conferences with your attorney should be limited to breaks except where you don’t know if a question violates a privilege such as the attorney-client privilege. If you cannot answer a question truthfully, accurately or succinctly, you may ask for a side conference with your attorney. Note that, generally, private attorney and client conferences are limited to breaks. If you need to change your answer to one of the questions, talk to me about it during a break and do not say anything otherwise. After the deposition is completed and we receive a transcript, there is an opportunity to correct small and technical changes.
6. Do not promise to help the examiner with anything other than answering questions. There is no need to agree to look something up at the break, produce any documents, or get back to them later. Simply answer their questions truthfully and succinctly.
7. Remember not to get angry, emotional, or become rattled. The examiner is not your soon to be former spouse, just his or her attorney. Do not address the opposing party. Do not tell the opposing counsel what you feel about the opposing party. And absolutely do not call anyone names or use abusive language. Please keep calm and smile when the deposition is being video-recorded.

Answering Deposition Questions

8. Speak clearly so the court reporter can take an accurate transcript of the deposition. Make sure you tell the truth and remember that perjury is a 3rd Degree felony in Texas. Making untrue statements, on even minor details, can be used against you at trial to destroy your credibility.
9. When the examiner asks you a question, listen carefully and then pause. The questions may not be as simple as they seem. Ask the examiner for clarification if you do not understand their question. When you pause, you are giving your attorney time to make an objection to the question. The transcript will not contain your pauses so do not worry about taking all the time you need.
10. Only answer exactly what is asked. Do not offer any other information or story about your answer. If the examiner has follow-up questions they will ask them, and you may answer those accurately and succinctly.
11. Do not use qualifying language or speculate in your answer. Do not add the terms “To the best of my recollection,” or “I believe it was/is…” If you are certain of a fact, simply answer the question. Not speculating means simply answering a question with a simple “Yes” or “No”. If you do not know the answer, simply say “I don’t know,” and stop. If the question is a date or time question, only answer if you specifically know. It is okay to say “I believe it was on or about…”
12. Reminder: Only answer the question asked by the examiner and do not try to assume the next question. Keep your answers short. “Yes” and “No” are good short answers. That said, do not be misleading. If a short answer would be misleading, explain the answer briefly.
13. Remember, the examiner may be trying to rattle you, make you look unintelligent, or foolish. Do not fall into their trap and say or do anything other than answer short truthful answers. Letting yourself be trapped by slick deposition tricks will not help you later at trial.

About Attorney Objections

14. Your attorney may make an objection on the record to any of the questions asked by the examiner. Objections to the form of a question, for example, are handled on a later date and not at the deposition.
15. If your attorney says, “OBJECT,” you should stop talking and not speak again until directed. Listen to the objections because they may give hints as to what or how to answer. This can be talked before your deposition and practice a little on how to handle objections.
16. If your attorney says, “Don’t answer,” then DO NOT ANSWER.
17. Often objections are place markers are usually limited. You may still need to answer the question but please remember #14 above. If your attorney says, “Don’t answer,” then DO NOT ANSWER.

Most attorneys in the Southlake area and Tarrant and Denton Counties are civil with one another and understand that they will see and work beside other opposing counsels again in other cases. Luckily most depositions are smooth and painless, but you must be prepared and appropriate regardless.

Southlake divorce and family attorney, Leslie Barrows, is experienced and skilled in pre-trial divorce litigation and the discovery process, including taking and defending depositions. Call Leslie at The Barrows Firm in Southlake by dialing (817) 481-1583, or contact us through the website with any of your questions about how to prepare to give your deposition in your divorce or family law case.

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Married to a narcissist: Co-parenting challenges

Being married to a narcissist can make life challenging, especially in co-parenting. Not everyone with narcissistic tendencies is to the level of psychological diagnosis, but they can be very challenging to live with. Why would any sane person stay married to someone who puts them down, lacks empathy and tries to constantly undermine your efforts? For some people there is a balance of interests in a marriage with children. Some stay married for the sake of children having a stable home until they are grown and off to work or college.

Even if you do think your spouse is somewhere on the narcissism spectrum, there may be several wonderful things you do love about them despite them being challenging, when you are trying to be a team in raising children.

What is co-parenting?

We often hear about co-parenting in terms of divorced parents of children who are trying to work together in the best interests of the children by reaching agreements and cooperating while raising children and making decisions the other parent may appreciate. Why don’t we hear more about co-parenting among married couples?

Married parents of children should work together like a team in raising children. One aspect of team parenting is agreeing on rules and enforcing them. Otherwise, when one parent says no, the other might say yes. Being married to a narcissist is challenging because the narcissist might undermine your efforts.

Narcissists’ inflated ego and lack of empathy

Psychology researchers suggest that narcissists appear to have strong personalities but are insecure about their true self. The narcissist focus on their self-image, thinking and behavior is said to give validation and stability when they otherwise lack self-esteem.

As a narcissist obsesses over being the boss, being perfect and having power and admiration, the other people in their life seemingly become objects that either confirm or deny the narcissist’s self-concept. They may only care about how any given situation affects them and how they are seen by others, completely missing the point that their actions can hurt others, especially their children, when they have no empathy for them.

How does being married to a narcissist affect co-parenting?

When you are married to someone obsessed with power, success and brilliance it can be difficult to be a team player while raising children together. Many narcissists are said to somewhat ignore others until there is an opportunity to be the hero and save the day, especially when others are watching.

A Psychology Today article offers tips for co-parenting with a narcissist:

1. Expect and ignore backhanded comments and character attacks when the narcissist is just trying to get a rise out of you;
2. Beware of the narcissist lining people up to rally against another, such as siding with the children and throwing you under the bus;
3. Be strong and when threats or guilt trips appear, as the narcissist is trying to prove they can control you and steer you away from what you were doing with your children;
4. Know when a narcissist is playing favorites, and know confronting them about it may do not good because the narcissist will not likely understand another’s perspective; and
5. Be a parent with empathy, which children need for their emotional health, and which they will not likely get from the narcissist parent.

You may also read our blog article, Narcissistic personality disorder & divorce, where we talk about some of the challenges we face in divorce litigation when your soon to be ex-spouse is a narcissist.

Leslie Barrows is a divorce, custody, family law, juvenile law and estate planning attorney in Southlake, Texas. Please contact Leslie through the website or call the office anytime by dialing (817) 481-1583.

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Dinner plans with the mayor were made in March at the Women Empowered luncheon when Leslie Barrows and MaryLee Alford were the high auction bidders on the Dinner with Southlake Mayor, Laura Hill. With the support of Southlake area corporate sponsors, a portion of the proceeds was donated to the Grapevine Relief And Community Exchange (GRACE).

The Luncheon

The Women Empowered (WE) annual luncheon is hosted by the Southlake Chamber of Commerce to bring women together from all over North Texas to network, learn, support one another, become more involved and to give back to the community. The Spring 2018 WE luncheon theme was “Luncheon at Tiffany’s” and was held at the Hilton Southlake Town Square on the evening of March 2. Over 300 of the finest women in business in North Texas were in attendance. Guests enjoyed keynote speaker, Betsy Allen-Manning talk about helping managers and employees in developing leadership skills.

Among the fundraising opportunities at the 3rd annual WE luncheon was a private dinner with Southlake Mayor, Laura Hill.

The Dinner

Southlake Mayor Laura Hill and her husband Joe graciously hosted an elegant private dinner with Leslie Barrows, MaryLee Alford and their husbands Jeff Sanford and Carl Alford. Leslie and MaryLee were the high bidders on “Dinner with the Mayor,” raising money at the WE luncheon to support a client of GRACE.

Dinner by Brio Tuscan Grille’s executive chef, Jarad Bissell was well received. In a stunning 5-course meal with appetizers and fine wine, this group enjoyed one another’s company and celebrated the hard work and philanthropic efforts of so many who support the WE luncheons and their fundraising success.

Southlake Chamber

While the mission of the Southlake Area Chamber is to serve the needs of business, members of this active chamber understand that business only thrives when members of the community are at their best. There is a special feeling when business owners get together and raise money to donate to such important and compelling causes.

Gallery of Pictures at Dinner with the Mayor. Images by Luce Photography, LLC.

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Leslie Barrows is a 360 West Top Attorney 2018

Leslie Barrows is again nominated and listed in the Top Attorneys by 360 West Magazine for 2018.

The 2018 Top Attorneys list be published in the July edition of 360 West Magazine. A reception celebrating the Top Attorneys will be held on the evening of Thursday, June 28, 2018 at Autobahn Porsche in Fort Worth.

Leslie Barrows was listed on the 360 West Magazine Top Attorneys list in 2017 in the Adoption Law category.

About the Top Attorneys list

360 West Magazine conducts a nominations process to collect ballots, vet and tally votes for selection to the Top Attorneys annual list. Attorneys in the area vote for other attorneys in 45 unique legal practice area specialties.

The Top Attorneys list is published for the benefit of fellow attorney colleagues recognizing one another for exemplifying excellence in their legal practice and general positive contribution to the community.

The Top Attorneys list is useful to community members looking for a recommended attorney

When 360 West Magazine readers find the list of Top Attorneys they can trust that the lawyers listed are selected by their peers and cannot pay to be considered or included. The honor of being listed a Top Attorney is earned and recognized by fellow attorneys with personal knowledge of those they nominate.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

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A culture of client service in law firms

The practice of law can be an honorable profession. In past decades there has been more pageantry in the professional services such as law practice, where the relationships among attorneys and their clients was honorable. Too often today, the pace of technology and business has encroached upon the attorney client culture which is too often noticed in client service.

Especially in divorce and family practice we attorneys sometimes hear clients express their dissatisfaction with their last attorney, often for lack of attention and failure of communication.

Trusted personal advisors and representatives

Creating the best client service culture in a law firm should be any attorney’s goal in small private practice. When you and your client build a trusted relationship, that client should come to you forever with all their questions, and not just in your practice area. While my practice is divorce, juvenile and probate, I know attorneys all over Tarrant and Denton counties, and I would rather help a former divorce client find a good tax, civil, business or criminal defense attorney who I know will do a great job and respect the client and the source of the referral.

Answering the urgent needs of a prospective or current client

One of the easiest ways to set your law firm apart from the rest is to treat every single client and prospective client like a VIP. A gift is returning from court to several messages from several clients waiting on you. Take no more than a minute or two per client to call them, acknowledge their call and tell them when you will realistically be able to communicate in greater depth or answer their question. By doing this you acknowledge to each client that they were important enough to get a return call. The net benefit is a better attorney-client relationship.

Note that some people chose to acknowledge a client quickly through sending short emails or text messages letting them know you got their message and when you can get back to them.

Being focused on results and not the process or means to the end

People want results and in divorce and family law particularly, people will pay for results. At the end of the day, no client ever said they were impressed by the number of well litigated hearings they experienced or how adept their attorney was at being creative and solving problems. Clients want results. When you talk about the process, talk about results and not the path.

Results should be the focus because that is why the client hired you in the first place. Nobody hires a lawyer they think will not get the job done.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

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Meet the Mayor, Coach and Leslie event

Guests arriving at The Barrows Firm in Southlake walked a red carpet from the valet stand to take a quick picture at the step and repeat banner as they welcomed friends and colleagues from the Southlake and Tarrant County legal community, the Southlake Chamber and residents and fans of Carroll Dragons football who were excited to meet the new coach. The event was catered by Ted Bilsky with Scratch Kitchen and the food was excellent.

Yesterday’s meet and greet was the ribbon cutting and one year anniversary of The Barrows Firm joining the Southlake Area Chamber of Commerce where principal Leslie Barrows is seated on the board of directors and serves as Policy Vice Chair.

Mayor Laura Hill toasts the Southlake community

Elected in 2015, Mayor Laura Hill remains committed to meeting everyone who makes Southlake, Texas a great place to live, work and raise a family. What truly makes the Southlake area unique is the openness of community leaders who take the time to meet people and learn who they are and the stories they share.

Meeting Carroll Dragons Football Coach Riley Dodge

Excited for Dragons football this fall? Many attendees at our meet and greet were ready to offer a firm handshake to new Carroll football coach, Riley Dodge. Not that we have high expectations, but winning Carroll Dragon football games on Thursday and Friday nights will soon be a frequent topic of watercooler talk.

About the Southlake Chamber

The Southlake Area Chamber of Commerce and its many active members echo an important message, you get out of the chamber community what you put into the chamber community. As more people move to Southlake and join the group, seeds are planted and relationships blossom. We all prefer to shop with and do business among those we know, like and trust. The meet and greet at The Barrows Firm this Thursday was a showcase example of this spirit of community.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

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Grandparents visitation and access to grandchildren in Texas

Grandparents know that if mom or dad says no, ask grandma or grandpa. The importance of grandparents in the lives of young children is unquestionable. They are wise and perfect in the eyes of our children. They are excellent baby sitters, chefs and will take you to see all the sights.

In some families affected by divorce and other complications in life, grandparents can take on more of a caretaker role. While grandparents often get involved on an informal and voluntary basis, there are other times that Texas courts are involved in grandparents and their ability to have court-ordered visitation, also known in Texas as possession and access.

What is Troxel v. Granville?

The U.S. Supreme Court held in the year 2000 that parents have a fundamental right to raise their children. The Court: "The interest of parents in the care, custody and control of their children—is perhaps the oldest of the fundamental liberty interests recognized by this Court.[i]"

The parents’ fundamental right limits a court’s authority to order grandparent visitation, possession and access where the parents object and have sole rights to raise their children. While grandparents themselves do not have a fundamental right to raising grandchildren, state courts and laws giving special weight to a fit parent’s wishes.

There are often rumblings of new litigation and court cases involving these matters, but for now Troxel v. Granville stands as the law of the land. Meanwhile, in Texas there are conditions in which grandparents may obtain court-ordered possession and access.

When can Texas courts order grandparents to have visitation possession and access?

The office of the Texas Attorney General maintains a helpful “Grandparents’ Page” sharing the circumstances in which Texas law allows a court to authorize grandparent visitation.

Grandparent visitation must be in the best interest of the child, and one of the following must apply:

• “The parents divorced;
• The parent abused or neglected the child;
• The parent has been incarcerated, found incompetent, or died;
• A court-order terminated the parent-child relationship; or
• The child has lived with the grandparent for at least six months.[ii]”

Note that if the grandchild was adopted by someone other than the step-parent, a grandparent may not request visitation, possession and access.

For more thoughts or information about grandparent possession and access, call Leslie Barrows.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

[i] Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57, 65; 120 S. Ct. 2054, 2060 (2000).

[ii] Texas Attorney General, Senior Texans, Grandparents’ Page.

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Narcissistic personality disorder & divorce

A spouse with narcissistic personality disorder may prefer a court battle. In a recent article in Psychology Today, issues involving narcissists and divorce are highlighted to help people understand and respond appropriately to typical narcissist behavior. The article suggests you are going to court because your narcissist spouse’s, “refusal to discuss terms on any reasonable basis. Going to court and having a judge decide may actually make the narcissist more comfortable because it means he or she doesn’t have to take responsibility for the outcome, especially if it’s not favorable.[i]”

The narcissist wants to battle in court and have plenty of attention.

The narcissist wins by engaging you in a court battle. The narcissist makes it all about them. If they are the ones to start the court battle it is because they are in it to win it and they seek attention through battling you. If you cause them to respond to litigation they still win because it means they are the victim and will seek attention through others who pay attention to their pity party.

Tips on spotting and addressing narcissists in divorce:  

• Obstruction at all levels as a strategy;
• Refusing to negotiate or settle anything;
• Spending money to run up your bills;
• Taking any opportunity to make you look bad;
• Going back to court frequently, even after the divorce.

Narcissists in divorce may love playing games.

In divorce, the narcissist with money to spend on litigation can tie a divorce and custody case up for a long time if they know how to take advantage of the court system. The longer they can hold their spouse over a barrel and keep spending everyone’s time and resources, the more likely the narcissist will win by simply exhausting everyone else involved.

Experienced divorce attorneys can usually spot these situations from a mile away and will respond accordingly to protect their client from being on the wrong end of frivolous and ongoing divorce litigation. The courts can help limit a narcissist from causing a family law case from getting out of hand. This is especially important when the narcissist is not likely to stop filing things just because the original divorce case is concluded.

For more thoughts about narcissism and divorce, call Leslie Barrows.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

[i] Psychology Today, 13 essential tips if you are divorcing  a narcissist, by Peg Strep, May 11 ,2016.

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