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50/50 Equal Access Possession Schedules as Alternatives to the Standard Possession Orders

Divorcing with children in Texas requires decisions about which parent will have which rights and duties and where the children will live during and after the divorce. Even though Texas law presumes both parents should be named as joint managing conservators with shared rights and duties regarding a child and their residence, school, church, doctor and more, one parent is often named the primary parent and that is the parent who usually also has the exclusive right to determine the residence of the child. The other parent traditionally has periods of possession of and access to the child, what is otherwise called visitation.

When many of the financial issues can be settled through mediation or other alternative dispute resolution out of court, the children’s issues regarding which parent is named as primary and which may have rights to determine the exclusive residence of the child are frequently contested and a source of serious conflict.

Leslie Barrows, principal of The Barrows Firm in Southlake says, “50/50 works if parents live in close proximity and have the ability to co-parent with one another. Once other spouses and stepchildren are introduced into the picture it can be more difficult because routines change.”

In addition to this article, you may also want like Divorcing with Children 101: Divorcing with Children Without Anxiety, and Divorcing with Children 102: Child Custody. Call us at The Barrows Firm for more information (817) 481-1583.                                                                                                                                                                                

Making the Case for Equal Access Possession

Whether equally shared possession is a group or alternating days or weeks, 50/50 custody agreements can work well for certain families. Some say that equal access possession is easier for children to remember where they are going to be. Kids who can spend equal time with both their parents may be less likely to fear that they are missing out on the attention and relationship time with one parent. Also, as attorney Barrows also says, “Equal access possession does away with the word “primary” which leads many cases straight to trial because one parent wants the primary parent designation.”

When both parents have 50/50 custody, a child may also appreciate that both parents are equal, and both are good. When one parent “wins” custody and is named primary parent, a child may have an impression that the primary parent is better than the other or is somehow more equipped to be a good parent.

Equal access possession schedules are not for everyone, however. Also, things can change, and new circumstances can prompt a possession schedule change, which does not have to be a bad thing. At the end of the day, it is in a child’s best interest to have meaningful time and emotional bonds with both parents. It fosters safety, security and a hopefully an appreciation for compromise and sharing.

Here are some examples of 50/50 custody arrangements on the popular website, Custody Exchange.

When Parents Live Nearby, 50/50 Equal Access is Easier

Logistics are a key ingredient to a successful 50/50 custody arrangement. If you and your former spouse or other parent live in close to one another, the child’s home and school routines are less likely to be disturbed by an equal access schedule.

For example, if it is Mom’s week and the child left something for school at Dad’s house, it is easy enough for co-parents to drop off the missing book folder that did not make it into the backpack. If Mom and Dad live in different counties or many miles apart, it makes the logistics of getting to school and other activities impractical.

When Parents Are Co-Parenting Well, an Equal Access Possession Schedule Can Work

Being flexible, being fair, and putting the child’s best interests first are important to co-parenting. Kids have enough to worry about just being kids, without worrying about parents fighting for their time and attention. If Mom is crushed every time the child goes to Dad’s or vice versa, the child may feel fault and guilt about traveling back and forth. The animosity that builds in some people can prevent effective co-parenting which requires parents to get along peaceably and agree their child needs both parents in their lives, with a positive attitude.

Divorcing with children and co-parenting well is something that takes the right attitude and it requires flexibility. When situations that arise that conflict with the possession schedule, a good co-parent can compromise and communicate well. Effective communication with the other parent is imperative when considering a 50/50 equal access possession schedule. When groups of alternating days or weeks need to be adjusted because one parent has a work trip or vacation, or some other situation arises, co-parents must be able to communicate well, not let emotion take over, and really be team players.

Introducing New Partners and Stepchildren With 50/50 Possession Orders

All the negotiating and planning involved in arriving at an agreed possession schedule can go out the window when families grow, adding new spouses and stepchildren. While the 50/50 equal access possession schedule may work well with everyone involved in creating it, it can be a logistical nightmare when there one of the co-parents has a new spouse and children with whom your family is blending.

It is not that the new spouse or stepchildren intend to upset the status quo, rather the number of schedules and potential conflicts may require some extra flexibility. If you are trying to keep track of who has possession more days than the other parent and things are no longer as equal, it may be time to consider other options. Ideally, everyone can get along and appreciate one another’s time and needs while remaining focused on the best interests of your child.

Net Benefit: Avoiding One Parent Being Named the Primary Parent

As previously mentioned in this article, parents often take custody cases to full trials to be named the primary parent. This designation in the grand scheme of conservatorship and possession and access serves its function, but it certainly does not mean that one parent is better than the other because they are named “primary.” It also doesn’t mean that one parent won custody and the other lost.

When there is nothing to gain by fighting over being the primary parent, more parents might agree to negotiate towards settlement out of court and save time and resources for themselves and the future of the children.

Negotiating 50/50 Equal Access Possession with Southlake Divorce Attorney Leslie Barrows

Divorcing with children can be challenging and doing what is in the best interests of children can be a point of disagreement among parents. The more parents can negotiate towards conflict resolution out of court, the better they can save time and resources for other matters. Being open to 50/50 equal access possession schedules can be a stretch for some people who are just not used to the concept. In practice, they might find out it works well, and the children are happy and well adjusted. Remember, if it needs to be modified later, that is always an option.

Contact us online or call us at The Barrows Firm in Southlake by dialing (817) 481-1583 to schedule a consultation with Attorney Leslie Barrows when divorcing with children and you are interested in an equal access possession schedule.

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Divorcing with Children: Child Custody Issues

When divorcing with children, child custody must be determined by agreement or ordered by the court. The terms custody and visitation are commonly used by people when talking about conservatorship and possession or access to the child, the terms used in the Texas Family Code. Everything decided should be in the best interests of the child. When custody orders need modifications or enforcement, separate proceedings are available.

Conservatorship decisions involve parents’ rights and responsibilities to make decisions for the child. Possession of and access to the child is the visitation element of a child custody order. The parties or the court must set a possession and access schedule. In the beginning of a divorce with children, at a temporary orders hearing, it is initially determined where and with whom the child will live during the divorce. At the end of the divorce, at the final trial often incorporates on a permanent basis, the temporary orders regarding conservatorship (custody) and possession of and access to the child (visitation).

In the Southlake area and around Tarrant and Denton Counties, Attorney Leslie Barrows is well known and respected for her work in divorce and child custody negotiation and litigation. She and her team at The Barrows Firm can develop the right strategy for you and your family.

In case you missed it, please see our first blog article in this series, Divorcing with Children 101, focusing on reducing the child’s anxiety and maintaining a mentally and emotionally safe and secure environment.

Joint Managing Conservatorship

When parents share the responsibility for making decisions in the best interest of the child they are appointed and named joint managing conservators. In a parenting plan, the joint managing conservators are identified and assigned specific decisions to be made together or independently and by whom.

One of the specific rights assigned to one parent is the exclusive right to determine the residence of the child, and this is a significant determination, often negotiated and litigated in high conflict divorces with children.

When both parents are joint managing conservators, one parent is deemed the primary parent, with whom the child lives primarily, as the other parent has periods of possession or access.

Joint managing conservatorship requires the cooperation of both parents as they share decision making responsibilities. Hopefully, they can actively participate in the child’s activities and their emotional and educational development. When communication breakdowns, changes in circumstances and conflict prevent effective co-parenting, the joint managing conservatorship may no longer be effective. The rights and duties of the parents can be modified in a separate legal action so that one parent will be a sole managing conservator and the other a possessory conservator.

Sole Managing Conservatorship

A sole managing conservator is one parent who must make decisions in the child’s best interest and exclusively determine the primary residence of the child. In divorces with children where one parent, by credible evidence, engaged in past or present child neglect or abuse or family violence, the other parent will be the sole managing conservator because a joint managing conservatorship is prohibited by the law stated in the Texas Family Code.

A separate modification suit is required to change the rights and responsibilities of conservators from joint managing to sole managing conservators. The modification requires proving material and substantial changes in circumstances or proving evidence of family violence or a conviction for child abuse, an automatic ground for modification.

Possession of and Access to the Child

In most divorces with children, child custody agreements incorporated into parenting plans are based on a standard model for shared parenting time which is called a possession schedule. Each county may adopt a standard possession schedule with a few expanded versions and options to fit different families.

Parents may use a standard possession and access order as a starting point and can negotiate a custom schedule that works for everyone involved. Especially where one parent has a challenging work schedule including travel obligations and other responsibilities that make it difficult to adhere to a fixed or standard schedule.

Being flexible with the needs of the other parent and making concessions in the schedule from time to time is appropriate. Planning ahead for holidays and adjusting for family events and vacations helps reduce conflict. Communication among parents and families is a key component of successful co-parenting with schedules for possession of and access to the child.

Mediation and Alternative Dispute Resolution for Determining Child Custody, for Modifications and Enforcement Actions

Parents must decide how they want to settle child custody conflicts. The parties can use mediation to resolve high conflict issues. One advantage of mediation is saving time and resources. Instead of setting, preparing and attending a contested court hearing, the parties can stay out of court. Mediation and other alternative dispute resolution methods usually take place at an agreed time and place where everyone can work at compromising and getting down to the bottom line. When divorcing with children, child custody conflict resolved by the parties out of Court is encouraged by judges.

Mediation used to reach an agreement and parenting plan in the original divorce and custody suit is similar to mediation used after the suit is over and co-parents have modification and enforcement issues. After the divorce time will test parenting plans and possession schedules. When things are not working and one of the parties falls out of compliance, mediation can be very effective in a suit to modify or enforce the Court’s order.

Divorcing with Children and Child Custody Lawyer, Leslie Barrows in Southlake, Texas

Attorney Leslie Barrows is the founding and principal divorce and custody lawyer at The Barrows Firm in Southlake, where she and her team of trial attorneys and paralegals are focused solely on divorce and family law cases, representing parents divorcing with children and child custody issues. Attorney Barrows is a divorce lawyer and mediator. She is a mother of boys herself and is an active member in several organizations in the Southlake and Tarrant County areas.

Contact us online or call us at The Barrows Firm in Southlake by dialing (817) 481-1583 to schedule a consultation with Attorney Leslie Barrows when divorcing with children and child custody is a primary concern.

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Divorcing with Children Without Anxiety

Raising happy children after divorce should be the goal of both parents. The decision to divorce can be challenging when parents consider the potential impact on the children. It is a good idea to prepare ahead of time and figure out what to tell them, either together as parents or one on one. Many divorced parents say their kids are happier after the divorce, no longer witnessing unhappy parents in a bad marriage. Telling the kids and working with their range of reactions can be a challenge. Mental health professionals can be great resources, a neutral third party with whom children can be blunt.

During your divorce, there are two important things to remember. First, don’t talk to your kids about the divorce or tell them negative things about their other parent of whom they are half. Second, do spend time reassuring your children and making them feel safe and secure.

Making sure your children know that the divorce has nothing to do with them is important. As you give them reassurance that the divorce will not change anything with exception of possession schedules for visitation, do some research and do appreciate the advice of your attorney, mental health professional, and others who have an impact on kids. Extended family members, teachers, and peers from sports, school and church can all play an important role in divorce and raising kids in 2019.

You may also appreciate this article in Parenting Magazine with additional tips for divorcing with children, Raising Healthy, Happy Kids Through a Divorce.

Is the Divorce Better for the Kids

No kid ever said I wish my parents would get back together and fight all the time. It can be terribly challenging for kids who watch parents in unhappy and sometimes violent marriages. Children need to feel safe. Children need to feel secure. Children need to feel loved.

When ending a bad marriage, you have more one on one time with your children to nurture their needs of safety, security, and love. Letting them know they are not broken just because your marriage ended is also important. If you and your former spouse can co-parent effectively and focus on reassuring the children, everyone can move forward in life in peace.

Telling Children About the Divorce

How to tell kids about the divorce is a challenging question parents face. Young children in pre-school years don’t really know what divorce means. Telling them that Mommy and Daddy are no longer going to live in the same house but will still see them regularly, begs the question, who is going to take care of me then? The fundamentals of life can be scary to a young child and it is so important to spend quality time with them and give them the reassurance they need.

Pre-teens know a little more but can be confused about why the divorce is happening. Telling your children, you plan to divorce is scary for older children who are just getting their footing in the world. Even though they are better prepared for divorce, the sense of security and permanency of the family unit is gone. Their minds may wander and wonder if anything in the world is secure or permanent. Telling children about the divorce can be an opportunity to create new bonds and schedule important one on one time with the child.

Children Reacting to Divorce

How will children react to the divorce? Consider a four-year-old and a 14-year-old adapting to their parents’ divorce. The four-year-old may be young enough to accept information about a world they are still figuring out, compared to the 14-year-old who thinks they know everything. But what the older one doesn’t really know is why their parents are fighting or what leads to divorce.

Kids may try to please parents by not being a wrench in the family. The older ones likely know other kids from divorced parents and see it is okay and there is nothing to worry about. That said, the second a new partner shows up, all bets can be off, and children may act out to get attention. This may be the time the school calls and the once well-mannered student is now bullying other kids.

Surprising Anxiety Considerations when Divorcing with Children

1. Co-parenting is not something we are born to know how to do. Some of the things we try to make everything well with a kid can backfire. Take, for example, letting your child decide where they want to stay and letting them create their own visitation schedule. Mental health professionals often say children complain about being asked to pick between parents because they are don’t want to hurt either parent’s feelings.
2. Having no predictable custody and visitation agreement can be a problem. While it seems like a nice idea to be very flexible and go with the flow, children craving certainty can be upset when they never know where they are going to be. Uncertainty adds to anxiety.
3. Letting your child be the messenger between you and your spouse can also cause stress and anxiety. While you may not want to talk to your former spouse directly, telling your kid to ask their mother or father about pick-ups, drop-offs and scheduling can be a problem. When the child messenger relays information you don’t like, it is too easy to react and put your child in the middle. Instead, try using text messages or neutral information exchange websites like Our Family Wizard.

With Further Questions About Divorcing with Children, Call on The Barrows Firm in Southlake

Southlake family law and divorce attorney Leslie Barrows is the founding and managing attorney at The Barrows Firm in Southlake. A mother of boys and an active member of the community, Leslie is an experienced divorce and family law attorney with the best resources for all your needs when going through divorce and matters affecting children including issues of conservatorship, possession or access to the children, the right to exclusively determine the residence of the child, child support, medical expenses and more.

Divorcing with Children does not have to be difficult when you have the support of friends, family and the right legal and mental health professionals who support you during and after your divorce with children. To learn more about The Barrows Firm, our team, or filing for divorce, please contact us online or call the Southlake office at (817) 481-1583.

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Uninsured Medical Expense Reimbursement: Must Send EOBs

The parent seeking reimbursement for uninsured portions of children’s health-care expenses must fulfill the conditions causing the other’s duty to pay. The parent should present the other with any Received forms, receipts, bills, statements and explanations of benefits (EOBs) relating to medical expenses. How EOBs and statements should be presented for reimbursement should be stated in the district court’s order and judgment regarding reimbursement for the other’s payment of medical expenses.

When we take our child to the doctor, fill their prescriptions and follow up with medical care instructions the insurance policy covering the child may not pay the entire bill for service. The policy might also require the parent to submit their bills to the insurance company for reimbursement. When the insurance company makes a payment on the child’s behalf within the insurance policy, EOB statements are sent to the person who made the insurance claim. That EOB statement is important when another parent has a duty to reimburse for a portion of the cash amount that had to be paid which was not covered by insurance.

Most agreed orders or decisions by the Court and included in temporary or final orders include obligations to reimburse another for uninsured medical expenses paid for a child. The order should specify the procedure for submitting statements of paid medical expenses to be reimbursed.

Questions about EOBs and understanding the forms? Here’s an EOB resource on healthinsurance.org.

Motions for Enforcement for Expense Reimbursement

When a party, usually a parent, has the duty to reimburse the other and the procedure is not followed, and reimbursements are not made as required, the recourse is a motion for enforcement of the court’s order. Motions for enforcement often include requests that attorney’s fees be paid, generally stating that the party willfully and knowingly failed to comply with the order of the Court. Refusing to or not giving EOBs in a proper and timely manner can lead to an enforcement action where the party bringing the action also asks for payment their attorney’s fees.

Second District Opinion: Uninsured Medical Expense Reimbursement

A suit regarding uninsured medical expense reimbursement was recently decided by the Second District Court of Appeals in Fort Worth. In the recent case, the court held that EOBs and related statements showing reimbursable medical expenses must be timely tendered to the party from whom reimbursement is due, based on the order of the Court.

In the Interest of L.K. and O.K., Children, the option states in pertinent part as follows: "Mother contents, in part, that her obligation to reimburse grandparents within any specific time never arose because she never received the explanations of benefits." The court agreed and reversed the trial court's order granting attorney’s fees for bringing an action to enforce the terms of an agreed order among mother and grandparents, requiring the mother to reimburse the grandparents for 25% of the uninsured portion of the children's health-care expenses within thirty days." No. 02-18-00049-CV.

Prerequisites for Liability for Payment

To collect the ordered amount of reimbursement for uninsured medical expenses for a child, the party seeking reimbursement must satisfy the prerequisites for liability for payment. The other party is not liable for payment until that prerequisite is met. A prerequisite for payment could be, “furnish the other party all forms, receipts, bills, statements, and EOBs for uninsured portions of healthcare expenses within thirty days of receipt.”

Disagreements about what it means to “furnish the other party” can arise. For example, if one sends the EOBs by mail to a post office box instead of sending them by email with attachments of the original forms and statements, the prerequisite for liability of payment might not be there.

The Barrow’s Firm website is a resource for common topics in family law and divorces in Texas.

Settling Conflicts Regarding Expense Reimbursement Out of Court

Sometimes people cannot get along. Other times some people refuse to get along. When one parent obligated to reimburse the other fails to make payment because the process for seeking reimbursement was not technically followed, the conflict can turn into an enforcement action that costs time and money. Often at the first sign of a problem with complying with the Court’s order is addressed in correspondence between the party’s attorneys.

In other cases, if the divorce lawyers are no longer retained, disagreements over medical expense reimbursement are either handled without lawyers, until the conflict escalates, and one sues the other for not complying with the order. They ask the court to order the noncomplying party to pay for the attorney they had to hire to get the expenses reimbursed.

Some children have greater medical needs and there are frequently uninsured portions of medical expenses that are paid and need to be reimbursed according to the order of the Court. To create that duty to pay the party requesting reimbursement must create that duty to pay by with the necessary prerequisites such as sending EOBs to the other in the time, place and manner set forth in the order.

Turn to The Barrows Firm to Settle Reimbursement Issues and Enforce Reimbursement Orders

Leslie Barrows and her team at The Barrows Firm in Southlake can help you recover unreimbursed medical expenses if your co-parent refuses to pay. If an enforcement action becomes necessary, the experienced trial attorneys at The Barrows Firm will represent you and enforce the order in court.

The Barrows Firm in Southlake is available by phone at (817) 481-1583 or make contact through the website.

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January is a busy month for new divorce, custody and modification filings because there are so many holiday divorce and custody issues for parents and kids. Most people who file a case in January decided months earlier and chose to wait until after the holidays. Some people wait until after Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years because they hope some holiday magic will fix their problems. Others wait until the new year, so the children’s holidays are not interrupted.

Parents recently divorced with a new custody arrangement hope that everything will go according to schedule, and plans agreed upon by co-parents. Often their children who know plenty of other kids with divorced parents are happier than expected. However, that happiness may be a performance to make everyone happy when there is underlying hurt.

Mental health counselors and therapists are valuable when it comes to holiday divorce and custody issues, not only for children but parents as well. Listening to a mental health professional’s tips for making it through the holidays can be an asset. They may remind you and the kids to be patient, flexible and focus on other people. They might remind you what the holidays are all about and not let the divorce or custody case define who you are and what matters most.

Considering divorce? Read our article, Telling your spouse you want a divorce.

Holiday Divorce Issues

People who know they want a divorce but wait for the holidays are full of anticipation. Many have already talked to a divorce lawyer, maybe some time ago, and are mentally preparing for January. It can be easy to wear a smile and bear one’s emotions knowing it is the last time to fake it. This can be a change for people who previously dreaded family holiday dinners and get-togethers because their spouse was becoming unbearable.

Those people still on the fence about divorce can use Thanksgiving and Christmas to picture themselves no longer married and happily celebrating with the friends and family who make life better, not worse. Picturing new traditions and happier children no longer putting up with fighting parents can be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Custody Exchanges and Co-Parenting Concerns

Most first holiday seasons after divorce parents stick closely to the Standard Possession Order or alternative order entered in their case. Dropping off and picking up children can either go well or can be the flashpoint for greater problems. Rarely are both parents happy about the divorce and custody arrangement. Visitation exchanges can be an unfortunate opportunity for the spiteful to make their points and emotions known.

Depending on the terms of your parenting plan and custody order you could bring another along for pick up or drop off as a witness to visitation exchange or appoint another person you trust to help and hopefully avoid an unpleasant confrontation.

Children Adapting to Holiday Divorce and Custody Issues

In many cases, children respond better to divorce and custody cases than do their parents. As many children have friends with divorced parents, the holiday visitation exchanges and holiday scheduling confusion is normal. What children might not be expecting, however, can also be a surprise to you.

Most divorce lawyers and mental health professionals working with families and children advise waiting a significant amount of time before introducing kids to a new partner and/or their own children. Whether the kids get along with the children of the new partner is a short-term concern. The long-term issue can be stability and knowing who is going to be around and upon whom can children rely?

Even after you or your former spouse may be dating someone for many months, the holidays might not be the best time to mixing children and creating blended families.

Make Records of Noteworthy Events

When a pattern of failure to comply with the court’s order is clear, a modification case could be on the horizon. If there are witnesses to certain conduct, make notes of who was present. Often in custody modifications and enforcement cases, the evidence is testimony from witnesses with personal knowledge of situations.

When the other parent of your children is still angry about the divorce or custody case and outcome, they may want to let you know they are upset and lose their manners around the holidays. Sometimes people take longer to get over their feelings and will start being better about co-parenting. But if visitation exchanges, bad talk in front of kids and other wrong behavior continues, you may need to produce a record of poor behavior to prove your case.

Saying Positive Messages and Keeping a Smile Despite a Divorce or Custody Case.

As the saying goes, fake it until you make it. Nobody expects anyone in the middle of a divorce or contested custody case to be the poster child for holiday happiness. For all people of all ages, there are thoughts and memories about holidays that come around and not every memory is the happiest.

Reminiscing with others over bad times can be good therapy. Remembering the good and the bad can be simultaneous and others may recall those holidays when you wondered whether everyone was going to make it to the New Year in one piece.

If your current situation has room for improvement, think and talk about the good times to come. Keeping a positive outlook is a healthy way to move forward. Try counting down the days until January is here and kids are back in school. Talk about planning for spring vacations and summer camp. Anything you can do to focus the attention away from your legal issues can ease the pain.

Leslie Barrows is Southlake Divorce Lawyer You Can Trust

Whether you are planning to divorce in January or you have been divorced and holiday custody and visitation arrangements are not working, you can call Leslie Barrows to learn your legal rights and options when those holiday divorce and custody issues arise, and you need an experienced divorce and custody lawyer. The Barrows Firm in Southlake is a divorce and family law office and you can contact or call them anytime at (817) 481-1583.

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Being Grateful on Thanksgiving After Divorce

Given the options of having an interrupted life and sharing your kids versus never having them, any parent who loves their children will be grateful for them on Thanksgiving. After the divorce and custody process is finalized, we all must move on with our lives and that means dealing with the holidays.

The good news is nobody can tell you what to do or how to feel or act. Custody and visitation are something to get used to and your Thanksgiving is not going to be normal right away. Regardless of your feelings about not having your ex at the table, their presence, good or bad is still something that will be a part of you and your memories that all seem to rush back around times like Thanksgiving.

So, plan your meal, or not. Make plans to watch the parades, or not. Thanksgiving After Divorce is going to happen whether you like it or not. It also begins the Christmas season and you have much to prepare for and many people to see, including your children and extended family.

Custody and Visitation After Divorce

In Texas, custody and visitation plans follow the local county’s Standard Possession Order (SPO), a schedule laying out periods of access for the non-primary parent for visitation with the kids. Holidays like Thanksgiving alternate and the co-parent usually has the kids on odd-numbered years, from the last day of school before Thanksgiving until Sunday evening.

Use this link to the Tarrant County Standard Possession and Access (Visitation) Order

Even if your divorce decree includes the SPO or another custom schedule, as parents, you both can be flexible and trade time as you all may agree. For example, if relatives on one side are only in town on limited days, letting the kids come by, or sharing time on Thanksgiving is a nice gesture that can go a long way as you learn a new co-parenting relationship with your former spouse.

You Don’t Have to Change Your Routine on Thanksgiving After Divorce

While it is popular to talk about creating new traditions after divorce, there is no reason you must change anything about how you want to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Keeping tradition is something people hold dear. With birth and death, we all know the number of place settings may change over the years and the feeling is similar on Thanksgiving Day when your former spouse and kids are not there. You can still set your table and cook all the dishes you love. And if you choose not to invite any other people to come celebrate with you, then you will have more leftovers, unless your kids come back sooner and eat all those leftovers of dishes they may have been missing at their other Thanksgiving.

Give Yourself the Opportunity to Take as Much Time to Adjust

The first year after a divorce is going to be a time of change. You are on your own schedule and nobody can tell you how to feel about holidays like Thanksgiving. If you prefer to go out to eat instead, go for it. We all need time to reflect and at times it seems like we have nothing for which to be thankful. Just because things change, doesn’t mean we have to stop being thankful. At times we are so self-focused we fail to see all the good things in our lives. Allow yourself the time to reflect and proceed at your own pace.

Should You Still Make Plans with Former In-laws to Thanksgiving?

Since Emily Post published her book “Etiquette” in 1922, generations have attended to accepted customs and rules of polite conduct. Today, the Emily Post Institute maintains a website with business, wedding and lifestyle categories of articles. There are topics including Holidays and Celebrations as well as Separation and Divorce.

While you may not base your post-divorce holiday decisions on the musings of others in society, there may be a few things to think about.

Decisions about in-laws may follow concerns of sensitivity, respect, and privacy. Even if you do not think you are expected to address them about whether you will see them or not, consider that all our personal relationships are important. If you are close friends with a now-former in-law, you might text them and find a time to get together during Thanksgiving weekend if you chose not to invite them over or attend their celebration if you are invited.

Is There Wiggle Room on Thanksgiving Day?

If you have a good enough relationship with your ex, you might negotiate your kids’ short appearance on Thanksgiving Day, even if it’s only an hour or two to watch the parade with grandparents and take some family pictures. If distance or circumstance prevents you from seeing your kids on Thanksgiving, try scheduling a time to Facetime them or chat on Skype so they can say hello to family and everyone who may be with you.

It is important to show your kids that everyone still moves forward with happy lives despite the divorce.

Being Grateful with Children on Thanksgiving Regardless of the Situation

When you may feel stressed about your first or second Thanksgiving after divorce, think about how much everyone’s lives can change over the years. Imagine you and your children being the most grateful for the future ahead of everyone. Families will continue growing and as you set the table years in the future you may have a new spouse, children, grandbabies and more. Always be thankful.

Southlake Divorce Attorney Leslie Barrows Wishes Everyone a Happy Thanksgiving

At The Barrows Firm in Southlake, Leslie and her team of trial attorneys, paralegals and support staff know how challenging it can when the holidays approach during or after a divorce or custody case. Know you are not alone in dealing with life and its changes.

For assistance with your family’s divorce and children’s issues, contact or call The Barrows Firm in Southlake at (817) 481-1583.

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Being a Top Attorney is an Honor and Responsibility

Leslie Barrows recently received an email notifying her that she was selected to the list of named Top Attorneys in Fort Worth Magazine for Family Law. Nominations and votes by ballot by other Tarrant County attorneys are used in the process of naming annual Top Attorneys to be listed in the annual issue, including profiles of named Top Attorneys. This is the 17th year of the Top Attorneys publication and the December 2018 issue will be available shortly.

Like similar attorney ratings systems and awards, the Fort Worth Magazine Top Attorneys list is derived from local nominations and votes from other attorneys who know, like and trust Leslie Barrows. From watching her in court, by working together on a case, or watching her participate and speak all over Tarrant County for a variety of causes and organizations. Being named a Top Attorney means people are watching and taking notes.

The Responsibility of Meeting the Expectations of Others

Earning a positive reputation in a community of eager and zealous professionals takes a significant amount of work and energy. To start getting to know people and be invited to events and opportunities means you must start participating in the community, not only with work and legal related organizations but also the general community at large, where you also meet more professionals in other fields who are a great source of referrals and ideas.

Everyone who has earned recognition among their peers has stepped up to volunteer and help support worthy organizations and spends many hours with a variety of groups focused on causes and goals. Sometimes leadership roles are time consuming and make it difficult to manage a busy practice and busier extracurricular calendar. To that end, everyone who has made a name for themselves has earned it by putting in the long hours and doing their best to keep a positive attitude.

Living with Passion and Humility, Being a Good Member of Your Community

Anyone who thinks they have made it and no longer must work hard will hit the wall of reality, that relevance is not only earned, it must be maintained.

Leslie Barrows offered a few thoughts on the Top Attorney listing, “Being named a Top Attorney by peers helps me realize that while my peers recognize me for my work and dedication to my law practice and my community, I can not sit back and coast.”

As people say we are always learning and always growing, we all can all continue joining new groups, continue saying hello to the past groups and answering the phone when anyone in our past, present or future needs our help or just to talk.

People rely on Leslie Barrows and the attorneys and staff at The Barrows Firm when they need serious experience and attention to their high stakes divorce, custody, juvenile and probate legal matters. Leslie is available to schedule a consultation at (817) 481-1583. Thank you all for naming Leslie Barrows a Top Attorney in 2018.

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Whether serving in Juvenile Law or Private Divorce and Family Practice, Paralegals are True First Responders

Speaking to attendees of the annual State Bar of Texas Paralegal Conference about juvenile law, Leslie Barrows talked about the value of paralegals. “Paralegals are the first responders with the heart and soul of our team, advocating for our clients,” Barrows stated. There is a balance of compassion and responsibility when paralegals are juvenile law first responders.

In divorce and family law cases, paralegals are like nurses who know everything about a patient to assist the treating physician and others in the team. Our paralegals are the law firm’s first responders, giving immediate service and help to clients and the rest of our legal team.

A Team Approach to Service at The Barrows Firm

Being able to immediately respond to any client with an immediate need requires prompt action and a division of duties and responsibilities at The Barrows Firm in Southlake. Our communication and information processes are streamlined to be efficient and effective in helping our clients.

If Leslie or another associate attorney is unavailable in court, a properly instructed paralegal will talk to the client with their question or assist with an urgent matter. Even if the information is to sit tight and not talk to anyone else until Leslie contacts them, the client receives a quick and meaningful response.

Paralegals are First Responders Fielding Phone Calls

When paralegals are working on their instructed duties on client files and work production, such as assisting with discovery responses or requests, the client may rely on the paralegal working on their file to help answer questions and receive information quickly and efficiently, so the process keeps moving at an appropriate pace and issues are correctly addressed.

Attorneys rely on paralegals to research, receive and organize information so the attorneys have accurate information and can contact the clients with any follow up discussion as necessary.

Paralegals are Providing Care for Our Clients

Whether they are returning phone calls or emails, sending or receiving key information about deadlines and hearing or trial dates, paralegals are providing not only care but also reassurance to our clients about their cases and proceedings, so they are informed and comfortable with the process. Here at The Barrows Firm, we know that divorce, family law or custody case may be upsetting and uncomfortable, and we entrust our paralegals to always treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve at an important time in your life.

Leslie Barrows is the principal attorney at The Barrows Firm, serving clients in Tarrant County in Southlake, Colleyville, Grapevine, Trophy Club, Keller and surrounding areas including Denton County. The Barrows Firm accepts new cases and referrals for divorce, child custody, family law, juvenile, and probate law, and matters. Call today to schedule a meeting by dialing (817) 484-1583.

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General Instructions on Deposition Preparation in Divorce and Family Law Cases

Being put on the spot is one thing, being deposed is another, but you do not need to worry if you know how to prepare to give your deposition in a divorce or family law case. Depositions are like what you see on television or movies when someone testifies in court. A deposition, however, does not take place at trial, It is part of the pre-trial discovery process. The opposing attorney will send a notice with the time and place you will be deposed to offer your testimony response to their questions. Documents may also be requested to bring along to the deposition. When you are prepared, tell the truth, stay calm, and are polite, there is no reason to lose sleep.

Remember that any questions, issues or challenges arising in your deposition can later be addressed at trial. While it is important to be accurate and truthful, there is an opportunity to correct problems.

General Deposition Preparation

1. You do not need to bring anything with you to the deposition room unless I previously reviewed or approved it. However, the examiner taking the deposition may use their own notes or documents to refresh your recollection. If a document is presented to you, make sure to read it very carefully. Take your time to make sure you understand what it is and what it says.
2. The examiner is not your friend. You have no duty to convince them of anything, but you do have a duty to answer their question. Be polite and answer shortly and succinctly. Do not keep talking and offer answers to questions not asked. Do not assume you know where they are going with their line of questioning and cut them off at the pass. The examiner might say they are confused, but that is not your concern. You only need to answer their question.
3. Do not let the examiner put words in your mouth. Listen to their question carefully and do not assume that the examiner’s summary of facts is correct. If you have no personal knowledge of the summary they suggest then say you have no personal knowledge and stop talking.
4. If you are concerned about particularly sensitive questions and answers, please talk with me, your attorney, before the deposition.
5. Private conferences with your attorney should be limited to breaks except where you don’t know if a question violates a privilege such as the attorney-client privilege. If you cannot answer a question truthfully, accurately or succinctly, you may ask for a side conference with your attorney. Note that, generally, private attorney and client conferences are limited to breaks. If you need to change your answer to one of the questions, talk to me about it during a break and do not say anything otherwise. After the deposition is completed and we receive a transcript, there is an opportunity to correct small and technical changes.
6. Do not promise to help the examiner with anything other than answering questions. There is no need to agree to look something up at the break, produce any documents, or get back to them later. Simply answer their questions truthfully and succinctly.
7. Remember not to get angry, emotional, or become rattled. The examiner is not your soon to be former spouse, just his or her attorney. Do not address the opposing party. Do not tell the opposing counsel what you feel about the opposing party. And absolutely do not call anyone names or use abusive language. Please keep calm and smile when the deposition is being video-recorded.

Answering Deposition Questions

8. Speak clearly so the court reporter can take an accurate transcript of the deposition. Make sure you tell the truth and remember that perjury is a 3rd Degree felony in Texas. Making untrue statements, on even minor details, can be used against you at trial to destroy your credibility.
9. When the examiner asks you a question, listen carefully and then pause. The questions may not be as simple as they seem. Ask the examiner for clarification if you do not understand their question. When you pause, you are giving your attorney time to make an objection to the question. The transcript will not contain your pauses so do not worry about taking all the time you need.
10. Only answer exactly what is asked. Do not offer any other information or story about your answer. If the examiner has follow-up questions they will ask them, and you may answer those accurately and succinctly.
11. Do not use qualifying language or speculate in your answer. Do not add the terms “To the best of my recollection,” or “I believe it was/is…” If you are certain of a fact, simply answer the question. Not speculating means simply answering a question with a simple “Yes” or “No”. If you do not know the answer, simply say “I don’t know,” and stop. If the question is a date or time question, only answer if you specifically know. It is okay to say “I believe it was on or about…”
12. Reminder: Only answer the question asked by the examiner and do not try to assume the next question. Keep your answers short. “Yes” and “No” are good short answers. That said, do not be misleading. If a short answer would be misleading, explain the answer briefly.
13. Remember, the examiner may be trying to rattle you, make you look unintelligent, or foolish. Do not fall into their trap and say or do anything other than answer short truthful answers. Letting yourself be trapped by slick deposition tricks will not help you later at trial.

About Attorney Objections

14. Your attorney may make an objection on the record to any of the questions asked by the examiner. Objections to the form of a question, for example, are handled on a later date and not at the deposition.
15. If your attorney says, “OBJECT,” you should stop talking and not speak again until directed. Listen to the objections because they may give hints as to what or how to answer. This can be talked before your deposition and practice a little on how to handle objections.
16. If your attorney says, “Don’t answer,” then DO NOT ANSWER.
17. Often objections are place markers are usually limited. You may still need to answer the question but please remember #14 above. If your attorney says, “Don’t answer,” then DO NOT ANSWER.

Most attorneys in the Southlake area and Tarrant and Denton Counties are civil with one another and understand that they will see and work beside other opposing counsels again in other cases. Luckily most depositions are smooth and painless, but you must be prepared and appropriate regardless.

Southlake divorce and family attorney, Leslie Barrows, is experienced and skilled in pre-trial divorce litigation and the discovery process, including taking and defending depositions. Call Leslie at The Barrows Firm in Southlake by dialing (817) 481-1583, or contact us through the website with any of your questions about how to prepare to give your deposition in your divorce or family law case.

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Married to a narcissist: Co-parenting challenges

Being married to a narcissist can make life challenging, especially in co-parenting. Not everyone with narcissistic tendencies is to the level of psychological diagnosis, but they can be very challenging to live with. Why would any sane person stay married to someone who puts them down, lacks empathy and tries to constantly undermine your efforts? For some people there is a balance of interests in a marriage with children. Some stay married for the sake of children having a stable home until they are grown and off to work or college.

Even if you do think your spouse is somewhere on the narcissism spectrum, there may be several wonderful things you do love about them despite them being challenging, when you are trying to be a team in raising children.

What is co-parenting?

We often hear about co-parenting in terms of divorced parents of children who are trying to work together in the best interests of the children by reaching agreements and cooperating while raising children and making decisions the other parent may appreciate. Why don’t we hear more about co-parenting among married couples?

Married parents of children should work together like a team in raising children. One aspect of team parenting is agreeing on rules and enforcing them. Otherwise, when one parent says no, the other might say yes. Being married to a narcissist is challenging because the narcissist might undermine your efforts.

Narcissists’ inflated ego and lack of empathy

Psychology researchers suggest that narcissists appear to have strong personalities but are insecure about their true self. The narcissist focus on their self-image, thinking and behavior is said to give validation and stability when they otherwise lack self-esteem.

As a narcissist obsesses over being the boss, being perfect and having power and admiration, the other people in their life seemingly become objects that either confirm or deny the narcissist’s self-concept. They may only care about how any given situation affects them and how they are seen by others, completely missing the point that their actions can hurt others, especially their children, when they have no empathy for them.

How does being married to a narcissist affect co-parenting?

When you are married to someone obsessed with power, success and brilliance it can be difficult to be a team player while raising children together. Many narcissists are said to somewhat ignore others until there is an opportunity to be the hero and save the day, especially when others are watching.

A Psychology Today article offers tips for co-parenting with a narcissist:

1. Expect and ignore backhanded comments and character attacks when the narcissist is just trying to get a rise out of you;
2. Beware of the narcissist lining people up to rally against another, such as siding with the children and throwing you under the bus;
3. Be strong and when threats or guilt trips appear, as the narcissist is trying to prove they can control you and steer you away from what you were doing with your children;
4. Know when a narcissist is playing favorites, and know confronting them about it may do not good because the narcissist will not likely understand another’s perspective; and
5. Be a parent with empathy, which children need for their emotional health, and which they will not likely get from the narcissist parent.

You may also read our blog article, Narcissistic personality disorder & divorce, where we talk about some of the challenges we face in divorce litigation when your soon to be ex-spouse is a narcissist.

Leslie Barrows is a divorce, custody, family law, juvenile law and estate planning attorney in Southlake, Texas. Please contact Leslie through the website or call the office anytime by dialing (817) 481-1583.

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Dinner plans with the mayor were made in March at the Women Empowered luncheon when Leslie Barrows and MaryLee Alford were the high auction bidders on the Dinner with Southlake Mayor, Laura Hill. With the support of Southlake area corporate sponsors, a portion of the proceeds was donated to the Grapevine Relief And Community Exchange (GRACE).

The Luncheon

The Women Empowered (WE) annual luncheon is hosted by the Southlake Chamber of Commerce to bring women together from all over North Texas to network, learn, support one another, become more involved and to give back to the community. The Spring 2018 WE luncheon theme was “Luncheon at Tiffany’s” and was held at the Hilton Southlake Town Square on the evening of March 2. Over 300 of the finest women in business in North Texas were in attendance. Guests enjoyed keynote speaker, Betsy Allen-Manning talk about helping managers and employees in developing leadership skills.

Among the fundraising opportunities at the 3rd annual WE luncheon was a private dinner with Southlake Mayor, Laura Hill.

The Dinner

Southlake Mayor Laura Hill and her husband Joe graciously hosted an elegant private dinner with Leslie Barrows, MaryLee Alford and their husbands Jeff Sanford and Carl Alford. Leslie and MaryLee were the high bidders on “Dinner with the Mayor,” raising money at the WE luncheon to support a client of GRACE.

Dinner by Brio Tuscan Grille’s executive chef, Jarad Bissell was well received. In a stunning 5-course meal with appetizers and fine wine, this group enjoyed one another’s company and celebrated the hard work and philanthropic efforts of so many who support the WE luncheons and their fundraising success.

Southlake Chamber

While the mission of the Southlake Area Chamber is to serve the needs of business, members of this active chamber understand that business only thrives when members of the community are at their best. There is a special feeling when business owners get together and raise money to donate to such important and compelling causes.

Gallery of Pictures at Dinner with the Mayor. Images by Luce Photography, LLC.

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Leslie Barrows is a 360 West Top Attorney 2018

Leslie Barrows is again nominated and listed in the Top Attorneys by 360 West Magazine for 2018.

The 2018 Top Attorneys list be published in the July edition of 360 West Magazine. A reception celebrating the Top Attorneys will be held on the evening of Thursday, June 28, 2018 at Autobahn Porsche in Fort Worth.

Leslie Barrows was listed on the 360 West Magazine Top Attorneys list in 2017 in the Adoption Law category.

About the Top Attorneys list

360 West Magazine conducts a nominations process to collect ballots, vet and tally votes for selection to the Top Attorneys annual list. Attorneys in the area vote for other attorneys in 45 unique legal practice area specialties.

The Top Attorneys list is published for the benefit of fellow attorney colleagues recognizing one another for exemplifying excellence in their legal practice and general positive contribution to the community.

The Top Attorneys list is useful to community members looking for a recommended attorney

When 360 West Magazine readers find the list of Top Attorneys they can trust that the lawyers listed are selected by their peers and cannot pay to be considered or included. The honor of being listed a Top Attorney is earned and recognized by fellow attorneys with personal knowledge of those they nominate.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

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A culture of client service in law firms

The practice of law can be an honorable profession. In past decades there has been more pageantry in the professional services such as law practice, where the relationships among attorneys and their clients was honorable. Too often today, the pace of technology and business has encroached upon the attorney client culture which is too often noticed in client service.

Especially in divorce and family practice we attorneys sometimes hear clients express their dissatisfaction with their last attorney, often for lack of attention and failure of communication.

Trusted personal advisors and representatives

Creating the best client service culture in a law firm should be any attorney’s goal in small private practice. When you and your client build a trusted relationship, that client should come to you forever with all their questions, and not just in your practice area. While my practice is divorce, juvenile and probate, I know attorneys all over Tarrant and Denton counties, and I would rather help a former divorce client find a good tax, civil, business or criminal defense attorney who I know will do a great job and respect the client and the source of the referral.

Answering the urgent needs of a prospective or current client

One of the easiest ways to set your law firm apart from the rest is to treat every single client and prospective client like a VIP. A gift is returning from court to several messages from several clients waiting on you. Take no more than a minute or two per client to call them, acknowledge their call and tell them when you will realistically be able to communicate in greater depth or answer their question. By doing this you acknowledge to each client that they were important enough to get a return call. The net benefit is a better attorney-client relationship.

Note that some people chose to acknowledge a client quickly through sending short emails or text messages letting them know you got their message and when you can get back to them.

Being focused on results and not the process or means to the end

People want results and in divorce and family law particularly, people will pay for results. At the end of the day, no client ever said they were impressed by the number of well litigated hearings they experienced or how adept their attorney was at being creative and solving problems. Clients want results. When you talk about the process, talk about results and not the path.

Results should be the focus because that is why the client hired you in the first place. Nobody hires a lawyer they think will not get the job done.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

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Meet the Mayor, Coach and Leslie event

Guests arriving at The Barrows Firm in Southlake walked a red carpet from the valet stand to take a quick picture at the step and repeat banner as they welcomed friends and colleagues from the Southlake and Tarrant County legal community, the Southlake Chamber and residents and fans of Carroll Dragons football who were excited to meet the new coach. The event was catered by Ted Bilsky with Scratch Kitchen and the food was excellent.

Yesterday’s meet and greet was the ribbon cutting and one year anniversary of The Barrows Firm joining the Southlake Area Chamber of Commerce where principal Leslie Barrows is seated on the board of directors and serves as Policy Vice Chair.

Mayor Laura Hill toasts the Southlake community

Elected in 2015, Mayor Laura Hill remains committed to meeting everyone who makes Southlake, Texas a great place to live, work and raise a family. What truly makes the Southlake area unique is the openness of community leaders who take the time to meet people and learn who they are and the stories they share.

Meeting Carroll Dragons Football Coach Riley Dodge

Excited for Dragons football this fall? Many attendees at our meet and greet were ready to offer a firm handshake to new Carroll football coach, Riley Dodge. Not that we have high expectations, but winning Carroll Dragon football games on Thursday and Friday nights will soon be a frequent topic of watercooler talk.

About the Southlake Chamber

The Southlake Area Chamber of Commerce and its many active members echo an important message, you get out of the chamber community what you put into the chamber community. As more people move to Southlake and join the group, seeds are planted and relationships blossom. We all prefer to shop with and do business among those we know, like and trust. The meet and greet at The Barrows Firm this Thursday was a showcase example of this spirit of community.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

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Grandparents visitation and access to grandchildren in Texas

Grandparents know that if mom or dad says no, ask grandma or grandpa. The importance of grandparents in the lives of young children is unquestionable. They are wise and perfect in the eyes of our children. They are excellent baby sitters, chefs and will take you to see all the sights.

In some families affected by divorce and other complications in life, grandparents can take on more of a caretaker role. While grandparents often get involved on an informal and voluntary basis, there are other times that Texas courts are involved in grandparents and their ability to have court-ordered visitation, also known in Texas as possession and access.

What is Troxel v. Granville?

The U.S. Supreme Court held in the year 2000 that parents have a fundamental right to raise their children. The Court: "The interest of parents in the care, custody and control of their children—is perhaps the oldest of the fundamental liberty interests recognized by this Court.[i]"

The parents’ fundamental right limits a court’s authority to order grandparent visitation, possession and access where the parents object and have sole rights to raise their children. While grandparents themselves do not have a fundamental right to raising grandchildren, state courts and laws giving special weight to a fit parent’s wishes.

There are often rumblings of new litigation and court cases involving these matters, but for now Troxel v. Granville stands as the law of the land. Meanwhile, in Texas there are conditions in which grandparents may obtain court-ordered possession and access.

When can Texas courts order grandparents to have visitation possession and access?

The office of the Texas Attorney General maintains a helpful “Grandparents’ Page” sharing the circumstances in which Texas law allows a court to authorize grandparent visitation.

Grandparent visitation must be in the best interest of the child, and one of the following must apply:

• “The parents divorced;
• The parent abused or neglected the child;
• The parent has been incarcerated, found incompetent, or died;
• A court-order terminated the parent-child relationship; or
• The child has lived with the grandparent for at least six months.[ii]”

Note that if the grandchild was adopted by someone other than the step-parent, a grandparent may not request visitation, possession and access.

For more thoughts or information about grandparent possession and access, call Leslie Barrows.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

[i] Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57, 65; 120 S. Ct. 2054, 2060 (2000).

[ii] Texas Attorney General, Senior Texans, Grandparents’ Page.

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Narcissistic personality disorder & divorce

A spouse with narcissistic personality disorder may prefer a court battle. In a recent article in Psychology Today, issues involving narcissists and divorce are highlighted to help people understand and respond appropriately to typical narcissist behavior. The article suggests you are going to court because your narcissist spouse’s, “refusal to discuss terms on any reasonable basis. Going to court and having a judge decide may actually make the narcissist more comfortable because it means he or she doesn’t have to take responsibility for the outcome, especially if it’s not favorable.[i]”

The narcissist wants to battle in court and have plenty of attention.

The narcissist wins by engaging you in a court battle. The narcissist makes it all about them. If they are the ones to start the court battle it is because they are in it to win it and they seek attention through battling you. If you cause them to respond to litigation they still win because it means they are the victim and will seek attention through others who pay attention to their pity party.

Tips on spotting and addressing narcissists in divorce:  

• Obstruction at all levels as a strategy;
• Refusing to negotiate or settle anything;
• Spending money to run up your bills;
• Taking any opportunity to make you look bad;
• Going back to court frequently, even after the divorce.

Narcissists in divorce may love playing games.

In divorce, the narcissist with money to spend on litigation can tie a divorce and custody case up for a long time if they know how to take advantage of the court system. The longer they can hold their spouse over a barrel and keep spending everyone’s time and resources, the more likely the narcissist will win by simply exhausting everyone else involved.

Experienced divorce attorneys can usually spot these situations from a mile away and will respond accordingly to protect their client from being on the wrong end of frivolous and ongoing divorce litigation. The courts can help limit a narcissist from causing a family law case from getting out of hand. This is especially important when the narcissist is not likely to stop filing things just because the original divorce case is concluded.

For more thoughts about narcissism and divorce, call Leslie Barrows.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

[i] Psychology Today, 13 essential tips if you are divorcing  a narcissist, by Peg Strep, May 11 ,2016.

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Domestic Violence & Self-Defense

Domestic violence and self-defense are topics more openly discussed in the present day after too many years of family violence being swept under the rug. It is a good thing that more domestic violence victims have support systems and accessible court procedure to help obtain protective orders. That said, protective orders and support will not stop a violent aggressor who does not care about following rules and laws.

Just last week in an episode of Fox Television’s drama, “911,” the former spouse of a domestic violence victim sought out to do harm and stab to death a person who helped his ex-wife get away from him in a family violence scenario. If someone really wants to do harm, they can. Being prepared to defend yourself from an attack is your best defense.

Escaping Domestic Violence

To escape domestic violence is to escape the abuse and control of another. A common component in abusers is their obsession with control. In many cases we see abusers move them and their spouse away from family, friends and support systems that the abuser cannot control. What the abuser can control is their spouse’s access to other people, places and the money necessary to live from day to day.

While some domestic violence victims go into hiding, some escape in plain sight and their abuser knows right where they are. There is no right or wrong way to escape domestic violence and like every marriage is unique, so is the fallout in every domestic violence situation. Some say attempting to hide and conceal one’s new location and access thereto can make an already angry controlling person outraged, and in that sense, hiding in plain sight might help de-escalate some situations. Note that if your abuser knows how and when to find you, being prepared to defend yourself is wise.

Women’s Self-Defense Classes

In women’s self-defense classes, instructors commonly mention that one does not need to carry a weapon to defend themselves if they are trained in proper self-defense. Knowing how to fight back if attacked, and the positive emotional benefit of same can contribute to whether a victim survives an attack if their aggressor comes for them.

Remember that at the end of the day a protective order is nothing more than a piece of paper. If you are a domestic violence victim with a protective order you should call 911 if your aggressor comes for you in violation of the order. Remember, however, first responders may be several minutes away from saving you. Are you prepared to save yourself?

For more thoughts about domestic violence and self-defense, call Leslie Barrows.

About Us: For more information please contact The Barrows Firm in Southlake.

If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583. The Barrows Firm is located at 700 East Southlake Boulevard in Southlake near the Town Square.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. To read client endorsements and reviews of Attorney, Leslie Barrows, please visit her Avvo.com profile.

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Leslie Barrows is accepted into CLASS – Carroll Leadership Academy for Supporting Success

Southlake, Texas – Feb. 5, 2018 – Southlake family law and juvenile law attorney, Leslie Barrows, of The Barrows Firm, P.C., is accepted into CLASS – Carroll Leadership Academy for Supporting Success for 2018

Leslie Barrows, the Southlake family law and juvenile law attorney,  is mother of three boys in the Carroll Independent School District (CISD) and was seated earlier this year as a member of the Carroll Education Foundation (CEF) Board of Trustees. The CEF raises money for programs benefiting CISD students and staff where money is not otherwise allocated in the CISD operating budget.

Recently Barrows was nominated and accepted into CLASS 2018. Ten years ago, in 2008, CLASS was formed with a vision to create the most highly informed school district community in the State of Texas. Barrows will attend the next CLASS meeting on February 27th and meet other members who are parents and citizens in the community who will learn about the organizational operation of CISD. At the February meeting the group will be introduced to CLASS and its vision as well as the core values of CISD.

The CLASS 2018 Agenda Topics:

• School Finance;
• Curriculum and Instructional Technology;
• Student Roundtable Discussions;
• CISD Board and Community Relations;
• Campus Administrator Roundtable Discussions;
• School-based Classroom Visits at Carroll Senior High School;
• The Role of the Board of Trustees/Carroll ISD Trustees Roundtable;
• CLASS of 2018 graduation ceremony with Board of Trustees at Carroll ISD Board Meeting.

Leslie Barrows recently stated about being nominated and accepted to CLASS 2018, “I sincerely appreciate being invited to this group and learning more about our children’s schools and environment. Together we can all share information with one another to bolster the CLASS vision of creating the best-informed school community in Texas.”

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About The Barrows Firm

The Barrows Firm is located near the Southlake Town Square at 700 East Southlake Boulevard, Suite 170 in Southlake, Texas. If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583.

You can follow The Barrows Firm on social media and find important articles and resources about Texas law and how it may affect you or your family. The Barrows Firm is on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and on Avvo.com.

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Leslie Barrows Carroll Education Foundation

Southlake, Texas – Jan. 1, 2018 – Southlake family law and juvenile law attorney, Leslie Barrows, of The Barrows Firm, P.C., is a new Board of Trustees member for the Carroll Education Foundation, supporting the Carroll Independent School District.

Leslie Barrows offers good judgment and experience to the Carroll Education Foundation (CEF) and feels honored to be appointed to the Board of Trustees. “I have worked with and served as a volunteer among several local and charitable organizations here in Southlake and in Tarrant County and I look forward to working with the other new appointees and all the community leaders who are members of the Carroll Education Foundation Board,” Barrows stated. “Together we can all combine our skills and assets in continuing to support the Foundation and raise awareness of Foundation efforts and events.”

Supporting the educational programs of the Carroll Independent School District (CISD), the CEF, formed in 1996, carries forth its mission: To enrich, expand and protect excellence in education by creating and distributing resources for the benefit of the students of the Carroll Independent School District.[i]

The CEF provides funding for CISD programs and activities that are not included in the District operating budget. Student achievement and skill development is a focus of CEF funding efforts as well as highlighting staff excellence.

Barrows was appointed to the CEF Board of Trustees among five other fine community leaders, Rebecca Hindman, Tracey McDevitt, Kirran Moss, Diane Thomas and Theresa Wright. Together they join the currently seated board members, Robin Austin, Ed Brunner, Michelle Clay, Boulton Fernando, Brian Hodges, Heather Jarvis, Alec knight, Douglas Lies, Nolan Ogden, Stephanie Pennington, Chris Prokopeas, Sherri Williams and Annie Zvonecek. Additionally, new officers were appointed, Kathy Talley as Chair, John Irvine as Vice Chair, Julie Doyle as Secretary, Mary O’Toole as Treasurer, Jessica Byrne as an officer at large, and Sarah Mason as Past Chair.[ii]

Next week, January 17 is the "Kendra Gives Back" event benefiting CISD with 20 percent of your purchase when you shop at Kendra Scott in Southlake next Wednesday from 5 to 8 p.m.

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About The Barrows Firm

The Barrows Firm is located near the Southlake Town Square at 700 East Southlake Boulevard, Suite 170 in Southlake, Texas. If you would like more information about The Barrows Firm, P.C., please contact the firm by calling (817) 481-1583.

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[i] Southlake Carroll Education Foundation website, About Us.

[ii] Carroll Education Foundation press release: Carroll Education Foundation Announces Six New Board Members and Five New Officers, Jan. 3, 2018.

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