By: Leslie Barrows
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Telling your spouse you want a divorce
How to tell your spouse you want a divorce
Telling your spouse that you want a divorce might be the most difficult thing you will tell someone. Whether you believe your marriage was one that worked well or was a challenge can be irrelevant when people decide that life is short, and they want to move forward on their own. For other married couples a divorce may be the result of abuse, cheating, financial problems and destructive behaviors such as alcohol and drug abuse.
When a spouse wants out of a marriage due to the bad acts of the other, there is often a confrontation and anger is the fuel for divorce. The more difficult situation occurs when one spouse is unhappy and the other is fine and has no idea that a divorce may be on the horizon. How do you tell someone who has done nothing wrong that you want to leave?
Sometimes people just grow apart from one another
When you are young and getting married all that matters is having kids and raising a family. As you and your family grow older there are may also be aging relatives who need care. The amount of effort and self-sacrifice required of many married couples can take its toll. In some marriages, real and deep communication has been non-existent for years and the couple and family seem to operate in their roles on auto-pilot.
The empty nest situation and the loss of an elder can be triggers to people that life is short, and people may want a divorce. The desire to call it quits often results from people simply growing apart. Men and women who get divorced after their kids have grown up and moved on will often tell you that they had a sense for years that one day they would tell the other that they are ready to end the marriage.
Tips on breaking the news that you want to divorce
- The first discussion is likely going to surprise your spouse. There is never a perfect time or place to break the news that you want a divorce. However, there are better situations than others. Communicating in person allows people their range of emotions, which might be best.
- Focus on the idea of remaining friends, just not a married couple. When you do not hate your spouse, and just want to move on from the marriage, let the other know, however cliché, that is you and not them causing the desire to divorce.
- Do not defend or attack; leave the argument points aside. When people hear information, they do not like there is a tendency to argue your points and talk the person out of something. When a spouse is ready to tell the other that they want a divorce, they are probably quite sure of their decision.
- Be honest and clear while remaining firm. It is great to talk about all the good times and proud moments in a marriage and raising a family, but that does not mean people have to stay married. The more open and honest you are about your feelings, the less likely your spouse is going to wonder if there is something else going on.
- Remain open to counseling and saving the marriage. In certain situations, the problems in a marriage can be solved in couples’ counseling. After years people can get in a rut and not see the light between the trees and a good mental health or spiritual counselor can help a couple repair communication breakdowns and repair a neglected relationship.
Will ending the marriage solve perceived problems?
Southlake divorce lawyer and mediator, Leslie Barrows has decades of experience working with clients who want to divorce for a variety of reasons, including simply growing apart from one another. When a marriage has run its course, there is an opportunity to divorce amicably and without causing damage. In other situations where there is a stronger underlying problem, Leslie knows it may be time to suit up for battle and vindication for deeply damaging past wrongs.
If you are considering calling it quits and moving forward in a new direction without your spouse, call The Barrows Firm in Southlake at (817) 481-1583 and Leslie and her staff can help you with all the information and assistance you may need to take next steps.